sometimes i wonder. wad i do and all..sometimes u all should just tell me. instead of leading me into a guessing game. like guessing the name of rumplestiltskin. it would take almost forever. i'm sick and tired of all this. i guess..if u want me to change, then tell me wad i should do. somehow, sometimes..i feel like sitting down, on that chair, and look up into the sky. see the birds flying freely. and sometimes, in the bus. i see parents carrying their baby. the child stares at me with big,huge eyes. i wish one day i'll be like them again. being so innocent. just clinging on to ur parents arms..hoping they'll nvr let go. aye..wadever. things won't go our way..or rather they'll nvr. i guess we'll live each day..just day by day. or maybe its just me. i just wanna run away. to somewhere else. having selfish thoughts, i wanna bring everyone dear to me along.


and sometimes, i see others..why are those who are more courageous and daring always the ones who will get hit. they are the ones who will speak up for the rest, yet they are always being scolded. why is life so unfair? and why will the society treat u as an outcast for some stuff that u do . for example, why can't girls like girls, and boys like boys. why must it be girl like boy, and boy like girl. i really wonder. the society will then treat u as abnormal. saying u gay or les. some ppl find it hard to come to terms with it..if their peers are like that. but why. sometimes its just not wad u ppl think it is. can't it be just pure care and concern together with respect and not having dirty things in ur mind. why can't some ppl just think straight?! haish. i'm just so bewildered by facts of life. wadever...................and i'm still waiting.


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for wad? for ppl to tag. hahaha -.-

i just realised my blog's like .....almost dead. with no one tagging. hmmm..demoralising der lo..nvm. thursday..TREE PLANTING DAY. okkay. mrt-ed to dobhy ghaut with yf..got the photos safely into hq. then back to tpy..we were like practically lost. in between myriads of blocks of flats. i wonder how we got out. the streets seemed endless then..like how u would feel when u are trapped in a huge maze. yet..the feeling, undescribable..of being lost..somehow nothing matters anymore..u just walk aimlessly..following where ur instincts bring u to.


and finally, we reached..lorong 5 block 31. heh. i can rmb it..hahaha..waited for the others to reach by bus. then we all went tree planting.. hahahaha. plastic bags were provided to tie on our feet. and we looked like penguins. -.- then continued with digging. okkay..digging was kinda worse than giving birth. hmmm. we had fun..even though leg very suan. and ground very muddy. saw alot of ka chua..hahha. cockroach lar.. then scream and shout..walao. then after planting like a few potted plants..we cleared up, and washed the spades. then madms played with water. hahaha..makes me wonder if they really sec 4 or wad. hahah..lol.then after home-ed with them. talking abt stuff..apparently, there's alot to talk between us and madms. hmm. okkay..went home, legs like jelly. which will wobble uncontrollably. hahahah. chatted on phone with madm weilin..wahh..contradicting..hahah..some things , i don't understand. neither does she. i will support everyone de..i can vouch for that. not just because i like her, i treat her better. some ppl know that, others don't.


friday, reached school much earlier. prepared uniform and last minute polished boots. and finally..we got to fall in..after so much troubles and problems about this uniform thing, and ...someone from guides fainted. woo..she rolled down the steps i think. madm weilin and madm kexin rushed for the stretcher and first aid kit. wooo..i think rc is really the tian shi. hahaha..then madm xinyu saluted the flag. shouted the commands. wrong command..she paiseh..madm..no need paiseh wan..coz everyone make mistakes..the most impt thing is to learn from them. then lessons..and lessons and lessons. mohan lesson is like...........i dunno wad shit. nvm. coz i was practically sleeping. then had oral..mr xu, mrs xu's husband. -.- he not bad lar.actually okkay lar..he not bad..then after that chiong go trng..changed then went to find our squad. okkay..please. this is making me die. i see oso wanna vomit blood. i dunno hhow to face them in future. how to train them. not that they are bad, just that they are like a piece of white paper. with no contents yet. its is our duty to write some good things on that paper, and not let the bad ones take up the blank space. so i guess i'll keep trying..to be patient. and we'll do it together. after trng ..packed up, changed into class tee and skirt. then went for choir concert. wow..was like laughing at one part..where there's this song about food wan..then qh said she heard wad fan shu, then yf said she heard lor mai kai..wad the hell lar..then i started laughing, and edna oso..we laugh till stomach pain pain..hahahaha..it was super damn funny. and our amkss choir was NICE NICE NICE! love it man. their voices so good..saw erzi, xx and arifin. hahaha..they look good in shirt and tie. hahahaha..then after concert jiu left ler..coz sat family day.


morning of saturday, woke up at 6. then wore class tee and fbt..hahah..then went to sch..was almost the first orangew person to be there. then wait for everyone come. then bus-ed to sentosa. so sad..my rabbit din go...........=((((((((((( but then..sabo-ed ppl ...esp WINSTON LEE. hahaha i got everyone to help. then we had much difficulty in pushing him into water. hahaha..finally when everyone put in all their might, winston lee went into the water. walao..damn hard to push man.ahahahha. then went to find seniors..to push them into water. haha had personal time with madm weilin, to talk. or maybe it was just walk. just walk, yet it felt free. even though we din talk much, but can gan shou dao each others presence. hmmmmm..sounds wrong, yet right in some way. then played water. with madm xinyu fleonna and yilin. they very bad. all so jian! pretend go bully madm xinyu..i go help..in the end all pull me down..i almost dry ler lor. lalallala. hahah..wadever. fun anyway. then saw madm cara with mingxuan. they oso swimming..we decided to swim too. so we from the bridge go into water. funfunfun. then go find 4/5 ..played with them. so scared they accidentally injure ppl by pulling them. 4/5 ppl all so small size. i very scared anyone of them will get injured. then played. somehow. i did not spend much time with 3/3 de ppl..but spent time with sam alone too. talked alot. i felt as though my presence was not needed in 3/3..that's why my disappearance. to find someone who appreaciate my presence. hmm..then after that..sam sam and me lunch-ed at northpoint..yoshinoya. beef with veg! my regular. hahaha..then went back my house. biology. and enzymes. then sam had her mummy pick her up.. and saturday's over.


times passes so fast. how i wish time could stop. when u smile at me.

friday.

school was fine..nothing much happened.. actually..is becoz i cna't really rmb wad happened..-.-
and even if i rmb..i don't wanna say it..coz............its depressing. so yupp..after sch..qh went to tutor clara. pro de okkay. =)) then edna yf and me were sitting and slacking. yf and me wanted go makan. but qh had to teach clara..so decided to takeaway from mac..hahaha..fed many ppl with that small pack of fries..hee. then coz madms had oral..asked us to conduct trng first..then i gonggong go ask where madm joanne if she's coming..coz if she's coming jiu no need start footdrill ler. zhi jie start first aid..yah..turns out that she actually forgot..but then i remind-ed her. haish. so yupp..she comes...and when she reach..madm xinyu finished her oral already. okkay..so actually they had something for us to do..before sir elvin came..but then..miraculously..he came....much earlier..such that we couldn't do wad they want us to do. so we continued with first aid lesson..coz tmr's the thing! so yupps..badaging was good..elvin sir say one. then cpr..stress..coz madm joanne there..hahaha i forgot to call ambulance. so yah..too bad lor. hahaha..then theory..wasnt that good either. coz i failed by one mark. and i din study. hahaha..anyway it was a mock test.


then after that..some ppl went dinner. others went home. i went home and cpr-ed on my huge penguin. it worked okkay? and daddy and mummy were my little toys..and mugged until 1++..hahaha..but worked okkay. hmmm. then..............


saturday

mrt-ed alone to amk. then i so stupid..stand at one corner..then nvr see all of them at the other corner...haish..but then..alone..can study better sometimes.. so i wait till everyone reach ler then i go. hahaha..so then mrt-ed to dobhy ghaut..then we were discussing how to tie bandage and all..until so noisy. ppl were like looking lar..hahaha..then reach there..everyone so nervous. took the theory test ..everyone passed. and bandaging..that _____ sir was like _____. okkay..and he keep calling jialin xiao la jiao(little chilli?) eeeeew, okkay. then the badaging was cmi. coz his expectation of bandages is so much different from us. oh mans. but in the end..everyone still passed. hahha..and cpr..somehow, miraculously i passed..haha.. and i din forget to call ambulance.hahas. and again..everyone passed. cool mans. elvin sir say ours is one of the schools he's seen that everyone passed. so happy when he said that. =)) then after that..lunch-ed at ps with edna,qh,yf,jl,juli,winny,elvinsir and madmjoanne. THEY SAY I EAT SUPER SLOW!! oh mans..then they should see my laopo. hahahaha. then after that some ppl went home..left yf,qh,edna,juli and me. hahah. walked in carrefour for a long time..searching for fbt and food. hahahas. then saw some pianos..and went to di siao and ang moh..so bad right? hahaha..but very funny..i laughed like shit can. hahahahas. then searched for yf's fbt. got one bright orange one..then i took it..together with a orange fbt shirt. then held it in place..showing it to qh, she said i looked like a traffic light. -.- then juli qh yf and edna went to try sunglasses. super gao siao ..hahahaha esp qh de hacker glasses. then shoped for food..then yf was like a mama..taking everything she see..she say for her whole family.....hahahaha.. so funny. then we were like...yf go take rice...and take tissues and all..then madm joanne was laughing like no one's business?? haha..then in the end..yf bought her stuff..and we bought muffins and icecream..we ate outside carrefour..then make the floor so dirty..so much that the uncle had to clean the floor after us. then after that..mrt-ed home with everyone except madm joanne..we took different trains.


then very happy..coz now we are certified first aider ler..so cool..can save ppl. but must be careful not to kill them..or we can be sued for murder..so next time don't save ppl ler..hahahas.
just kidding lar..and...amkss will be joining FA competition in sept bahh..hope we can get 2nd runner up. =DDD amkss rcy ..jiayous! =))

they're watching the show on the tv on the bus. hmmm..and apparently..its funny. i mean..the show's funny.

cip today..met juliana at khatib mrt at 715. then mrt-ed to bishan. met vivien, and crossed the overhead bridge together. edna and qh was early, as usual. then waited for madm xinyu and madm fleonna. then we bus-ed to serangoon blk 238 for the cip thing. as we arrived earlier than 8, the thing was not open yet. so we wwaited outside..until 8, we were allowed to enter. then we sit, and wait. madm weilin and kexin were late..coz they couldn't find the place. in the end..they reached. and this lady gave us a briefing on wad to do and wad not to do. like wad don't drop the can, dun tamper with the coin slit, dun lose the CCA ..something to certify urself..and wad if we lost it must make police report. eh..u think this is our first time doing flag day meh?! like we dunno..we been doing for 3 yrs le okkay..and here u come crapping . i can't stand her. so when we could leave, i was overjoyed. we all decided to go tpy hdb hub. coz got the xiao yuan superstar. went there saw eunice jasmine patricia they all..eunice huanqing and some other ppl went to join. so patricia followed us, to help in asking ppl to donate money. haha..funny lar. okkay. then after awhile, we went to watch the superstar thing. actually..all ppl who went up there were considered brave. its really courageous okkay. if it were me, i'll be shaking ler. some ppl went up there..then forget lyrics. others zao sia..went out of tune. but some others were quite good. actually the judges oso choose ppl by the looks. candidates must be of acceptable weight, look pretty, and of course, must be able to sing. and me, juliana and vivien stand there and watch..haha. we din go ask ppl tong qian. until...we decided madm joanne coming, then me and vivien went to amk. at amk..i got alot of ppl to help donate. it was cool. ppl were quite nice. give so much coins. alot of ppl donated 2 dollar notes too. collected half the can when madm joanne came. then me, vivien and madm joanne lunched at amk..b4 going to collect again. again, more memories to be kept in my heart. then after lunch.. vivien went to bustop to collect. while me and madm joanne were like fighting for the spot outside the optical store..coz there ..i collected alot of money. haha..so yah..i still got my place in the end..and madm joanne had to go to outside the popular there..haha..sorry madm. in between, we were like smiling at each other..very funny. then collect until 3++ 4. then when we decided to go, we found a wallet..belonging to a cute looking boy. then we decided to go return it to the security guard. we waited at the counter for a long time. duringg this time..madm joanne keep wanting to kapo my hp. saying that inside got msg from bf..hahaha..super funny lar..can't even read msg in peace ..but yah..again..somemore memories ..that i will look back to in future.

then when we decided that the security guard ain't gonna come back, we left. me and her walked towards the mrt to find vivien. then along the way madm joanne saw her 'didi'. vball the junhao. then they chatted..and it gave me a chance to take photo again..muhaahahahaha.

errr..actually i din know who he was in the first place..so just took the photos..but then i asked madm who he is..found out that he is him. so ermm...yup..got a serious shock of my life. wonder how they met anyway..madm de didi? more like korkor. he so tall..see the height difference..oops. haha. then after he left, we met juli and vivien at the mrt. then went back to the serangoon there to return cans. then after that went to amk central de mac. to sit and chat. again, madm joanne try to steal my phone..my phone got that interesting meh? hahah..then finally somehow..she got it..and read my msg! haha..but its okkay. then play play play..ppl see see see. haha..then somehow my hands were around her shoulders to try get back my hp..but to no avail. she read my msg ler..then let her read lor..haha. then after that..we settled down..and decided to go amk hub walk walk. walked around..looking at the stores. somehow..there was something going on..i dunno how to describe it. was it that obvious?? my junior saw my feelings, read my mind, knew wad i was doing. i just felt i wanted to care for her, and got worried when her leg was injured or something. i din know why will lidat. den started to bang the wall with my fist and knuckles..pain leh..but i din feel it. coz my brain was too occupied..my junior saw my intentions. and she keep physco me that i like my rabbit, and not her. yeah..but just keep hitting the wall. until hand all red. i just like couldn't control myself. she looked so innocent then..even i know she isn't. but just wanted to care for her. din want her to get hurt. she wanted to know wad is it abt..but i can't tell her. is like..why..why will like that? maybe it was just a trick? maybe i just treat her as a normal friend?? but it can't be, coz i treat everyone in a normal way..but not her. or maybe i have been deceiving myself all the time. maybe i don't really like my mountain kia? but can't be..........some things are just so complicated. esp when i'm not a guy. wth. i don't know wad to do. then vivien left. leaving me, madm joanne and juliana. then we strolled to the mrt station. and it was goodbye. very she bu de. because when its goodbye, i don't know when we'll see each other again. hopefully soon. and thank you for today's memories. they will be in my heart .

travelled home by mrt with juliana..talked abt wad happened. i don't know how she can sense it. how come. its not obvious okkay..even though my hands were like shaking the whole time..and i was sweating. i almost could not control my hand okkay. but yeah..managed to ..in the end..after banging the wall. and the wall said ouch. -.- but still can't explain the feeling. maybe isit when some one treats u good, u will have that feeling? hmmmm..maybe. i guess i'm a person who likes touch. i touch ppl's shoulders, hands as a form of expression..maybe care? but those who don't like it..better stand further away from me. so yup..that's all. but somehow..the worry is still there. i don't want her to get hurt again. so YOU. yes YOU ..you'd better take good care of her..if not, i'll take the chopper and chop u up into a thousand pieces. u HEAR?!

friday..woke around at 8++..then piano-ed like siao. coz must chiong to sch to do project. ve project. then reached sch around 10++. the rest were doing project. so yah..went there actually did nothing. felt bad..edna did almost all the drawings. yeah..den after wards..madm weilin came ..she just finished her bio remedial. so we chatted..den lunched together at kfc.

then after lunch, returned to sch for trng. first aid trng. elvin sir came..and taught us theory for first aid..walao..so pro leh..he go so fast..then me and winny chiong for copying. then our hand like wanna break ler.. and ahh..somehow..i think hamtaro told him something abt me..and yah..he say wad he heard abt me b4..then mendi go add..she's the champion first aider..i'm not ..i'm not good enough to be one. so don't say that ever again ya? then after that ..elvin sir taught alot of things..we copied abt 20 pages of impt notes. copy until hand wan break ler..after theory..was the practical..sir recaped with us abt the bandages. then madm joanne came. and this is wad happened.........

edna fractured her arm.

madm fleonna got eye injury.

madm fleonna again

madm xinyu. so cute right..haha. and madm kexin the first aider.

er yupp..that's all for the pics bah..very little..but enough. then after that..had to do cpr. i was shaking okkay..practically shaking..my hands so cold..and was sweating..coz the sir keep saying wad i was link-cadet..must do better. then very stress. but yah..then luckily the sir din NG(not-good) . mendi kena NG alot of times..so kelian. yah..the did the 2 blows..no..i did 4..then did the pumping..do until i hands like jelly..legs also like jelly. after that..we ended our lesson..thanked the sir elvin. and he so good..gave us sweets too. =)

then madm joanne took down our particulars for tmr the thing..the cip for flag day. then they dinnered together at s11. but me and juliana went home first. talked on the way..chatted and gossiped..haha. fun. then tmr got the thing. we doing full day..good right. hmmm.

and now very glad that mendi is liking rc more and more..that's very good. like that then she will do her best for rc. really hope others will be like her too. then for sure the unit will prosper.

so many questions..as to why things happen. always - why? see how ppl change? see wad they become? i really dunno wad u r thinking. can u tell us? at least let us know why. we used to be good friends. good friends share everything..including the hardships. do u know that? u used to do that, but now..its just so wrong. maybe in the first place u didn't have feelings for us. maybe to u..we r just another person on ur wide list of friends. maybe we don't mean anything to u? u asked for chances, we gave u chances. everytime we are abt to give up on u, then somehow u will just apologise. do u know that ur apology has a great impact on us? everytime u say sorry, u melt our hearts u know..and we are willing to give u another chance. but when we do, maybe u take our chances for granted, thinking that we'll always be there to give u a chance? i'm sad to say..there's also a limit for us. we can nvr always be there u know..once u cross the line..its hard to get back to the other side. and u've hurt us all...deeply. maybe u don't know. but we do. time....u say u need time..but time is precious. this is the crucial moment..can't u make and exception?? this is an impt time..where everyone is stressed up. with studies, cca and blah. u know..it would help if u could be there..maybe not to help if u don't want to..but just be there. let us know that u still care. its very impt leh..even though its just moral support..but i think all of us would be happy just to know u're there. so can u try? please?

today...link-cadet activity. i was an attituder. i gave attitude. because of her. i tot i hated her . but..as my previous post states. hmmmmm..so yeah..went to east coast with my dear peiying..and my little linkies. yckss went too. in the bus, talked to madm kexin..isit consider gossip?? haha..maybe..wow..then we become big time gossipers! weee..haha..but yeah..the talk was really quite nice. coz is like we all seldom communicate like that. uh huh...so ..after we reached..went beach cleaning..saw many dead jelly fish, little crabs and stinking dead fishes. eeeeew.

then the wind was BIG BIG BIG. den me and yilin were like ...we went into toilet do hair(zi lian hor!)..then we walk out...the wind blew again..then we said...so irritating...go make hao hao come out still kena blow..so ma fan! hahaha..damn funny lar..yeah..then after that..somehow..i got slightly irritated by ahem. i think alot of ppl know ler. yupp..then is like we are the instructors...then is like got her...jiu we dun need do anything ler..the sec 1s damn cute..'the madm come here do everything, we also got nothing to do..call us come for wad?!' hahaha..damn funny lar..but seriously..everytime ahem is here..we got nothing to do ler...QIANG WO MEN DE FAN WAN!! haha..then i was bad-mooding..and ppl come comfort me. sorry to the person if i had shown u any attitude. i've explain myself terribly clearly in the last post ler okkay..so u slowly go read and comprehend. hmmmmm. then let the kiddos play games...they're so innocent..and they can be so void of unhappiness..they played our simple games with so much enthusiasm..unlike us. qh and i were amazed at how they could be so innocent..and be contented with such simple things..how i wish i could too. and after games.. we went back peiying primary...ate lunch..i was still bu shuang-ing. oh mans. i pity those around me. sorry for being such an ass ..i apologise okkay. then we were split into groups again..my group went to do evacuation. cool man. love it..edna and me were the main aiders..while poor kewei had to risk being our casualty..haha..who ask her be the lightest! haha..jkjk..had a very very good time there..with madm kexin..we planned to play a trick on madm weilin..to sort of bend her knees..and make her kneel w/o much force..then we keep laughing and laughing. haha..but i missed these laughter..and i learned to treasure it..because i know that in a yr from now..i will be thinnking back of these things...so enjoyed it. but too bad our trick failed..then we decided to try it on madm joanne..too bad she was too smart for it. hmmmm..i wonder how she knew. but yeah..she managed to escape. and guess where she went.

yah..that's where she went.

hmm..then after that ..i went to ka ciao the ppl in the cpr room..i went to ka ciao the jingkai sir from yckss..i posed many unsolvable questions..hahah..but he stilled tried his best to answer. yah..and he gave alot of tips on cpr..good. madm xinyu nvr kan cuo ren!! haha.

then they had a break. after break, we went back to evac station. i learned to do the fireman's lift from mr chia. again......i asked many unanswerable questions..i asked until my dear mr chia had no answer for it!! hahahah! okkay..then kept trying the fireman's lift thing..but keep cannot! so pek chek. ahh..nvm..then taught the kids the 2,3,4 handseats. some grps were very cooperative, others not.

yupp..then at around 6, we were dismissed. and hey, there's still more pics. but i'm kinda sure i will get killed for posting these pics.

our 3 sleeping beauties. love them so much! =)

i don't know why. i didn't dare to look at u at all today.somehow felt so strange..and far apart. den came the hate, i don't know why. but its just that feeling..when u're there, i feel like running away. so i did. further away from you to some place else. i could not sort out my thinking. u are a nice person. but somehow..only in the past could i communicate to you. now, i feel like even standing beside u is a torture.


just came back from a night out alone. thought of wad happened and all. you did alot for me, u were there to comfort me when i cried, to be my teacher and guider when i was in desperate need of help, listening ears to me when i needed to complain. so much u did for me. i suddenly feel that feeling back again. at graduation assembly, i gave u a gift. and a hug. and my tears. then u sent me a long msg. in which i thoroughly read it through again and again. wondering if u would take back ur words. after wad i did. hmmm..yep..i sent u a msg..asking u a question. and yeah..we talked......just like the way we used to in the past. it was some misunderstanding?? i guess we really have not talked for a long time. wad u told me today....made me feel so guilty. u said u felt sad when i appeared so scared of u..i don't know if thats the truth..but somehow..u think i'm not sad too? i'm sad..but i can't show it. i mustn't. so i controlled. and yeah. no one knows.


i thought the person i admired most and respected most was ******. but somehow when this thing happened, u're the one. did i feel so sad when ****** did not really show me wad i had expected. i felt sad, but not as sad as now. not as heartbroken as now. u merely said one sentence..but the impact of that sentence..was so great it made me feel hurt! just one sentence..which show how much ur friendship really meant. now i understand. did i take ur friendship for granted? when u were ther for me, i only kept thinking of ******..but now .. i want back our friendship. i don't know why. i'm wondering..do u really mean that much to me? that i could sit there for hours thinking abt wad u said..and crying at the same time. i'm really surprised..u are the special person that can make me feel hurt by a sentence meant to be just a light joke. okkay..i really hope we can be the greatest friends...like wad u told me in that msg. thanks really alot..for telling me some truths..to help me realise these facts. i guess there will no longer be any running aways? maybe.....i'm not sure.

the time is wrong again. and i don't know why.

today 11 march..is a total disaster. nothing went right today. came to sch in momo's car. hmm..wearing purple pe tee..coz can't find all my size 40 blue shirts. yea..then reached sch..to see qh sitting there by herself. asked her why she appeared here at 8.45 so early...and she replied, 'oh, i 8.30 already reach ler.' then i was like, '....................' then madm kexin walked past. and i was like ...greet or dun greet. in the end she 'flew' away le. and at the same time, madm xinyu walked towards our direction. i decided to greet, so i greeted. qh tot she no need great..so she just sit there. then who knows madm xinyu ask her she tua pai no need greet ah..haha..funny lar.


so leng right? whatever. -.-


then yf and edna arrived. yinyin was late. so we proceeded upstairs to ava room first..then i somehow rmb-ed to ask the madms up as well. so i dashed downstairs..without asking where the rest would be going to.. den knocked on the room door...waited there for like 5 mins. and finally..i peeped. i'm a peeping tom! woo. yeah..peeped through the small little hole that they apparently forgot to close. and saw nobody in side; the lights were on leh. waste electricity. yeah..so tot they would find their way up some how or another..like wad i had to do then. i searched everywhere..finally found them in ava room at 3rd floor. entered..then start practising the 2,3,4 handseat..recovery position, human stretcher and all. then madms came in after awhile, shouted that we had 10 sec to get down to the foyer..so we chiong downstair..we tot got wad big thing..and as expected..'WHOLE LOT KNOCK IT DOWN!' kkay..pumping position..then they questioned us why we din tell them where we going..aiya..then dunno lar..gave them some stupid weird explanation..okkay..'WHOLE LOT RECOVER'..then we chiong upstairs again..to see the land ppl sitting on the floor outside the room..woa..so manny ppl..we shocked dao. then everyone went in..so noisy lar..and they were taking their own sweet time at everything...and we ren-ed and ren-ed and ren-ed..finally when we talk finished..and they learned finished..we exit the room..


went downstairs to wait for guides. heard they dropped their pole on friday...and today. so suay..kena alot of pumping..den heard land lost some receipts and their sergeant asked qinjie to find..make sure he find all..den we saw him looking for it..then go asked him wad he looking for..then we all pitched in to help..see him like that..its a big big torture man. u can somehow feel his pain....and anxiety. how hard he looked round for the receipts..then we went around searching in the dustbins..and woooo...LUCKY ME..I FOUND OUR GOD DAMN WORKSHEETS THAT WE GAVE LAND CADETS in the HOLY DUSTBIN! u know wad is dustbin??
D-U-S-T-B-I-N....u could not imagine how fuming mad i was then...i looked as if i could really breathe fire. wow..okkay..then told qj abt this...didn't mean to like speak in that manner to him..coz is not his fault..and he is already so stressed and pressurised..but somehow..i.....lost control? i don't know..but i really dunno wad we did to deserve this kind of thing. its a sunday morning...we ppl have to wake up esp early to come to sch..and teach u guys these things...and u do this to us??! we really owe u something isit?! i don't think so lar!! u guys too guo fen le right? even wanna throw..oso be smarter..at least throw it somewhere where we won't see it right?!!


their sirs found the ppl who did that lar..is sec 1s and 2s...then they apologised to us. but wad we want is not an apology..we want an explanation why this would happen? is the notes really worthless to u?! dowan den return to us lar..u know print these things need money? need paper? need ink? u all know anot?! and u all should not be apologising to us....it should be to ur sirs! and sergeants. they work so hard to uphold the unit to wad it is now..and because of wad u did..u cause their work to all go down the drain. ur unit...NCC LAND leh..maybe u all dont care?! but we do! we are fellow UGians. we care even if u don't.


and so...this was the one most unfortunate incidents today..other than the fact that many ppl got injured today..3 ppl from ncc land injured their knees..and one girl from choir hyperventilated. me and edna went to help..but apparently..was not much of help..coz got the higher ppl like mr tan and mr ng..so we no need do anything ler.


then yf and juli went to buy our lunch. den as we got no comp lab to use..we asked for permission to use one of the computers in NCC land's ops room, which is itlr 1. then we took turns eat our lunch outside the room coz sir say cannot bring in. then the reps from RC, GG, NCC air, NPCC came..then we discussed abt our games and all. then the budget given was very little..$50 for doorgifts and equipment for games. so we had to find a cheap alternative for doorgifts. in the end settled for compressed leaves. not such a good idea..but definitely cheap. in fact, free. coz we pluck from sch tress. hmmm.


then after our meeting, we went around to collect some leaves for that thing. then thanked the sergeants for being kind enough to lend us the room..really thanks ahh..if not for the fact u all let us use..we no need do our proposal thing ler..haha. den after that went to macs again. we talked and all..and finally left after we shuang. then 88-ed to hougang/yck road with edna and juli. and after that switched to bus 854 with juli. reached khatib then got down. poor juli..had to take 3 buses to reach home. really thanks for pei-ing me arh..


reached home ler..quite sleepy..tmr still got the link-cadet thing. oh man..yiling and madm joanne sure love to play games with me man! dunno wad they doing lar. but yeah..heard that madm joanne going tmr. so cham. sure die. i don't wanna go ler la..got madm joanne kong ju zheng. sad. SAVE ME!!

saturday, 10 march..PIANO EXAM!! wahh..stress..coz i din really study. hmm. opps. and yeah..so as usual..my momo had to pull me out of bed..coz had to leave house by 8.45..coz must go starhub centre..which apparently is very far from my khatib home. so..ate, studied abit, then left..my sisters all go take oso. so in the car..we mugged the whole time.. mugged until went kuku lar..but good thing that someone sent me a msg..which is actually abt her changing her phone number..tell me to take note..but it became a conversation..so i was half studying, half sms-ing. but it was so nice. i finally understand some things..hmm..then talked until i had to go in the exam hall. told her that and she wished me good luck. yeah..felt so blessed. and full of confidence. it may be nothing to others..but it meant a whole lot to me. i'm not tong zhi or wad..i just.............arrrr..wadever..think wad u all like. i'm tired to explain. so took the exam..stayed in there and wrote and wrote..after half an hour..many ppl left. then left afew. but because i don't want to get anymore naggings, i stayed in there. checked my answers again and again. after i felt i could do nothing more, i 'plopped' on the table..and SLEPT! yes, slept. because got air con..and because i was woken up this morn for the test, the exam hall was a good place to sleep. so........

slept............

slept.......................

and slept. -.-

woke up after abt 30 mins. then checked my paper again before handing up . walked out of the room and straight to peepee. =)) hahaha..den sms-ed my dear caryn. she took exam too. but diff grade. so we talked and talked. i lunched at pizza hut with family and friends.

my lunch, but as usual..i eat ler, drink ler, then rmb to take photo.

the drink was nice..lunch was good too..but very very fattening. must go running ler. who want go run with me?? hahas. then home-d after lunch. so bored..then must prepare for first aid thing tmr. dunno if the guys will be appreciative anot.

i missed the past. i tot i could carry on. but when i saw that old class room of ours. tears just came to my eyes. the clock, our cupboard, and the very place i sat at with my sitting partner, xx. all those memories came back. and somehow..i tot of how everyone had changed. emo-ed back to 3/3..and tried to occupy myself with something to do..so i won't think of anything else. so...took the merit/demerit file and just read my peers' particulars. yeah..reading made me feel worse. somehow..i see how my friends look when they were sec 1. and how they looked now. that's just a physical change. coz everyone grows. but its wad's in side of them that's scary. they've changed. i don't know how to explain it. but i really wish everything would be back to the past. now there's many other problems. don't know how to solve it. i guess i'll take one step at a time.

friday's trng..more controlled. more like the past. more like the trng i missed. more like the old times. but they still as slack. so i wu hua ke shuo. there was a weird thing going on..yeah..and internal conflicts i don't wanna speak of. ppl pon-ned trng again. maybe because of the mere fact we were asked to bring uniform..perhaps they tot there would be a changing parade but too bad there wasn't, and we din even get to wear our uniforms. hmm. and i told a lie again. felt guilty, bad, and everything else that could make me feel bad enough to apologise. i apologised..but i think apology not accepted. well, i tried. and i will keep trying.


anyway..we marched in the hot sun..and somehow..some ppl were distracted because of some things..and kept doing wrong drills. den in the end kena pumped on the so terribly hot carpark ground. do u have any idea how sizzling the ground was? according to qh..it is a frying prata stove. hmmmm...u know, a stove that can fry prata . yeah..for me, it was like putting ur hand on some bbq pit, bbq-ing ur hand. okkay..yf and chongxi was the first to tio. very cham leh..yf was crying...and i don't know wad happen to chongxi. our squad asked for permission to down with them for upteen times, but she ignored us. fine. then after they were allowed to recover, we continued with our drills, and i saw their hands... woah! their hands were like bright red due to the heat. madm xinyu then apologised to them, saying that the ground was really really hot. and we must learn to endure this kind of heat. then after that..dunno we did something wrong again. then whole lot knock it down, so our squad was like jumping around, just tat we were in pumping position. everyone like keep saying HOT HOT HOT..then finally madm let us do in the shade. that felt so much better.


then continued with our day's activity..but yeah..we did not wear uniform..some ppl were disappointed, others happy. so then the last thing on our RO was lesson time! woo..re-caped some first aid stuff, evac, and cpr. super fun..i love evac. miss all the practical sessions in the past. yeah. then madm weilin and i were like keep trying to do the cradle carry, and the high dragging, low dragging. so fun. wish to learn more. then continued...at first madm kexin keep ask me to do cpr on the little anne, but i keep pretend to talk to madm weilin about the evac stuff. sorry madm kexin. hmm..then extended the trng until about 6++ coz the cadets were like so enthu in cpr..then keep wanna give the little anne mouth-to-mouth..so as usual, ended with the debrief. and there..our wonderful trng has ended! =D

sorry yifang and julian..happy belated birthdays. hmm

our dear yifang!!

and oops. the birthday boy with ahem! hahaha =)

i think i will be killed after this..but i dun mind losing my head for this. =DD

went blog-hopping..realised that alot of cca leaders re-approaching themselves these days. isn't it abit too late to feel bad abt it now? why din u all think of changing when u all just took over? somemore u all got great leaders to help u all..haish..how abt us? hmm..shit..shan't complain anymore. but yeah..madms and sirs..if anyone of u all reading this, which i hope not, u all have been great leaders, maybe u all tried ur best le? u all did alot for ur unit le..but maybe the cadets just don't listen? u all say like that...very scary leh..if u all feel this way..won't we feel even worse? wondering..wads gonna happen when u all pass out? when we take over? isit gonna be very bad? how come...these days..cadets can't even take it..they cant even do 10 pumpings properly..and they no urgency leh..ask them run..they stroll....haish..next trng we gonna kena scolding from madms..long time nvr get scolded ler..hope can go back to last yrs trng..where its discipline, discipline and more discipline. and the sad thing is..no one comes back..every trng..i think to myself, will anyone be back to see us? maybe no one else feels that way..of wanting seniors to come back..but i feel otherwise leh..how come ahh? i don't know. but when i see other cca de seniors come back..i somehow wished that our seniors would come back..that would be a miracle. trng these days really holds no meaning anymore. its just very ordinary. i have no idea how to plan a fun trng. if we plan a fun trng, it has to be slack..or sec 1s won't find it fun. but if it were a fun trng, madms will scold. coz they say too slack. argh..really don't know wad to do. i really think those ppl who want fun trng should not even have joined UG. UG is abt drills, standard and discipline. but yeah. don't know why will become like that. oh wells.

again, there's something wrong with the blogger time..isit my eyes went bonkers and i'm seeing things? orr isit really wrong?

wad's wrong with me? am i stressed? that i become kuku already? everyday in sch..that happy, smiling face seems no longer me. during maths lesson..i go crazy..even mabel says i belong to IMH. qh added that i belonged there a long time ago. do i look like a crazy person now? someone that just lost her mind. do i lack friendship? somehow friends just come and go...don't know how to keep any by my side. i'm so selfish. because no one belongs to me. just really hope there will be someone who can be there for me. sometimes i ask, can pei me go somewhere, that person that is willing to pei me is really impt. some just say..sorry. busy. but they don't know how much that means to me. just that small action of pei-ing me speaks a thousand words. its somehow really impt to me. but no one understands, or rather bothers. its okkay..i shall learn to be independent. but i'm still waiting for that friend, that friend who will be there always...

why? how come u just won't understand? i've grown up ler..u can't keep telling me what to do. i'll become even more rebellious. i hate ur naggings, ur scoldings, and ur whatever shit telling me to study and all. u think i don't know that i must study meh? i know when to study de...but u keep pushing me ..i can't stand it anymore..staying back in school keeps me away from this horrendous place. i just wanna go for camps, and stuff with my beloved friends..i know when to study for my piano and all.. but u still treat me like a little kid who don't know anything. i really wish i can grow up faster...do wad i want. u're overprotecting. haish..like i don't know what to do like that. sec 3 will be a stressful year, with tests, cca, piano and other stuff..but i know i'll be able to manage. if only u weren't there to stop me from doing things i love to do.

u said u guys were doing double because u all din teach us well..when u all should have been doing that from the start. hmm..wadever. u said we din try. u said our standard dropped. u said we become so slack. u think we did not try? yea..i pointed out that fact. the fact is....we tried ok? u think not? did u even know wad we did? did u even go try to see...quite disappointed..at the fact that u all just did not understand. somehow..we were dependant on ourselves..coz u all were nvr there for us. u were nvr there to comfort us..to really go through thick and thin with us..


just one question: did u every feel sad because of us before? did u? did u ever feel upset when something we did goes wrong? did u ever think of the fact that we were still juniors also and that we still need ur help? did u ever help us when we asked for or even begged for? no.


do u even know wad we are thinking? i guess not. because..we were thinking of working doubly hard..so as to regain our 3rd placing. do u know? u think we bo chab after the comp meh? u think we not stressed? because for u all...u all had ur seniors who really helped u all..but us. no..nothing..its that called unity? u all had someone there for u...but us..we have a junior batch to take..and we have no help from u all. i really dun wish to go on anymore la.. i sound very super nasty in this post lo..because it is obvious who i'm referring to. but....since i can't say it face to face..i might as well say it here..


and
why? can u change? seeing the fact that u are bringing the whole unit down? letting the whole unit suffer for u? or even with u...yea..its unity..but u can't expect them to do punishments with u the whole time. i'm sorry for telling u off. and sorry for losing my control.but i hope u will learn. they tell us not to help u all..so that u all can be independent..but when u all are struggling ...just can't stand by and do nothing. today.....2 ppl quarrelled because of u..they fought..and u made a few ppl cry. made them feel upset, miserable and disappointed. its not onnly the madms who are pekchek okkay? haish..no one understands how we feel. nvm...independent is goooood. is good. good.

had trng today..i don't know
can i dun talk abt it..hmmm..nvm..i know for sure maybe someone will be here and will see this...but i still feel like typing it la..haish ..its gonna be a POSITIVE post!!


as usual..fall in then report..it was a trng for us sec 3s to take..sec 1s are really CMI..can vomit blood..but sec 3s try lo...try very super hard can. please dun say we did not. den did PT supposed to be PT I/C with van..but then somehow become edna and van..haish..nvm..den after PT had footdrill..sec 3s were teaching sec 1s..while madms were taking sec 2s. apparently, the sec 2s were getting a lecture. and because they dragged their boots after being warned for the upteenth time..they had to march bare footed. digusted? nahh..its just abit diulian.


then madms ask sec 3s go fall in with sec 2s..leaving the one and only footdrill I/c edna..to teach the sec 1s. aiya...saw sec 2s in socks..so asked for permission to pei them..yea..i did it..but some how too fast..leaving no time for qh and yf to ask as well..sorry yea? and hai u all to be scolded as non-initiative ppl. really sorry! =((


yea..marched around in socks..cool eh. with ncc land and vb ppl staring at our beautiful yet smelly socks..hmm. then continued..which is when our GREAT thing started out..for every mistake we did wrong..whole squad auto down 5. and surprisingly..madms decided to do with us..no..do double of wad we did. and for the rest of the thing..don't need to elaborate. just pissed. and i got so disappointed and upset that i scolded him. haish ..nvm.


went home after that. felt so sick and tired man. but still gotto go out for a family thing with friends..stomach hurt badly..but ren. finally back to post le.. i warn u ppl..the next post ain't gonna be nice. =))

i hate getting scoldings for nothing..does it really make u happy to scold me? huh? i really don't understand.


trying not to complain..told some ppl to shut me up..ahhhh..everyone just shut me up. seal my mouth with tape so i won't talk at all.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDNA!! can't put the pics up now..but will put it up when i return hopefully..hope u have had a meaningful and happy birthday..put all unhappiness in the past yea? and move on..we'll always be there for u if u need it..so dun give up in everything u do..must stay happy and smile.. jiayous. =))

today was CNY celebrations..got lion dance and dragon dance in the parade square..den after it was over..we proceeded to the hall where more performances were held..not bad la..but quite alot of ppl were sian diao..den after recess-ed back in class..everyone was super down....for some reason...then decorated the class..i was not of much help la..coz i just sat down there and stone..but yea..den after sch...i suddenly disappeared..wow..no la..yf, bj, yh and me went to ask central to buy cake..while the rest pei edna go eat...their so called eat...is go there drink milo and stone..aiyo..dunno wad happen la.. den we ran from place to place in search of that oh-so-wonderful cake!! wow..okkay..den finally bought tiramisu cake..den after chiong back to sch just in time to 'suprise' edna..which she dun seem suprised at all..hmmmmm..nvm..then cork-up la...sian...but den we just took photos..den i cut cake for everyone..aiya..some ppl not co-operative la..give u cake..cut hao hao le..den just take la!! walao...nvm.. then...iso-ed for awhile for some reason... den went on to causeway..hmm they went to catch GHOST RIDER..while sam zh and me went to swensens for lunch..hmm..we had seafood chower..nice lo! then we ordered the topless 5..nice name man..haha..den ate it..but as u know..we for sure nvr finished de..but then do wad with the remaining?? yea...MIX IT TOGETHER!! and u get a sticky creamy liquid...awwww man.. okkay..and sam filled her little milk bottle with it..so ke xi..hmm.. and we went kiddy palace in search of new milk bottles... but dun have... den i went home..while sam and zh waited for the rest to finish their movie..


had to go home early coz need to finish up hmwk..going to malaysia tmr..sian..have to wake up at 3++ 4..so yups.. HAPPY early CHINESE NEW YEAR PPL!!! =))))


i don't know why u're doing this. i really dunno..i don't understand..can u at least tell me why. den i can try to understand..i'm trying my best le..but somehow u just don't seem to care. u said i wasn't nice enough to u..ain't i being nice to u now?? or is it too late? if it is..can u at least tell me? so that i don't need to try so hard.

just chanced upon someone's life in UG..after reading her post..i felt i could share her feelings..i don't know why. the feeling of being laughed at..by ppl whom u would have thought to be ur bestest of friends..but they actually backstabbed u..called u names. but they don't understand..they don't understand wad we are going through. just because we don't show it or tell..doesn't mean we don't get hurt..don't get upset. people who seem strong physically might not always be strong mentally. but this point no one understands. they just keep doing wad they are doing..they don't even care of wad's become of u.


in UG..everyone are trained to be strong..but surely it takes time to train..and during the process.. there is bound to be a time that u would feel hurt someway or another..and someone might be there to share it with u..and just as u think u could trust that person..because he/she had gone through lots of things with u..he/she just somehow disappeared. disappeared...changed..into another person..a person u could no longer recognise. time changes ppl..but why of all ppl..change this person u were just abt to put all ur trust and hopes into?


she had a passion..a passion towards her CCA. and everyone thought she was a superwoman..but they didn't know that even a superwoman would have her weakness..a point in time where she would be in a corner...crying. feeling sad..feeling hurt. but no one cares. that's because ppl are just so selfish. they only care abt themselves. and they call themselves best friends. a true friend would be by ur side no matter wad..to catch u if u were ever to fall..to pick u up when u drop. to hold ur hands and pull u along..and nvr to leave u if u needed any help. and as a leader..she is trying her best. but ...somehow.. its still not enough. maybe she is bias? and that's why she does not get full respect from all her cadets.


why will cadets wanna quit?? because they feel its no use continuing on in UG because they are not being treated equally. because some ppl rely on their relationship with the NCOs to get into the higher post. then wad abt those who really put in effort? those who really wanna see their unit prosper?? its not fair la..but some NCOs just dont understand..UG these days is getting so bad..even if there are alot of ppl joining..the unit will not be united. how to keep the cadets? the leaders will think...how do i plan a fun trng? UG should be disciplined...and not a slacking CCA..but the cadets don't feel this way. somehow..they just don't understand how we feel. we have so little ppl in our CCA now..and we are trying our UPMOST BEST already..we ask the sec 2s..try to get more ppl..but somehow..they just give us crap. i can see some are trying..but its only like 1 person who is trying..if not 2. why? why can't u all just see the need to recuit more ppl?!!!! WHY?! do u want to wait until the end of the year..and nearing the date for u all to take over then realise u don't want such a small squad. and then only start giving ur best into trying to get more ppl? why..why do this? when u can do it now.. there's still time..but u all just don't see it. and when we nag at u all..u all give us AP..u think its very nice to nag meh? u know how pekchek we feel anot? we really feel like giving up le u know? but...how? we r just about to take over. and there's already some problems..complications that u all don't understand yet. don't make the same mistakes as u la..get more ppl..expand the unit..can u all just try to understand for once? to put urself into our shoes? give ur best to this CCA..since u've already joined..there's no use thinking abt 'if only i hadn't joined UG'..just give ur best lo.


ahhh..i don't even know why i'm typing this post. its really no use la..i keep telling myself..i tried le...but i can't help but think its a bit of my fault that everything's wad it is now..that the unit has so little ppl..if only i had gone further out to getting more cadets..haish...maybe its too late?? but i'll keep trying. hopefully things will turn out better. for that her...i dun think u'll be reading this...but yea..dun think too much..some things are not worth u being upset with.

today had trng. super screwed. was I/C ..haish..sian got lesson. got materials, no classroom. den wanna play games, got ball, no court. SIAN!! but in the end improvised lo. no choice la. did footdrill in the 1st part of trng. taught the sec 1s basic, simple footdrills. vomit blood man. wonder how qingyu that batch teach us de. scream until no voice le la. waste my oh-so-precious voice. hmm. wadever. i'm bhb. x)


after footdrills, the was lesson. wow. that was nice. had all my materials. and in the end..no classroom for us to go to..had to run around whole sch in search of sam..intended to borrow class key frm sam..to open the door..but den found out she had IPP. den dunno where is she. den went back up to 3/4..and apparently..that bloody door was so WIDE open. well..nvm..i exercised. den rushed in and reported. long time nvr 'CLASS, KEEP STILL' le. den after that..sabo-ed yf to help me teach paying of compliments and reporting. the basic stuff again.
yf preached ......while i scribbled away..i din know my words on the white board are so ugly de. anyway..i wrote and wrote and wrote..finally finished le den can explain to all . sian..too bad no one was listening. wasted my voice again. why isit so hard just to get everyone's attention??? hmmm..well..saw the sian look on everyone's face..den tried to end the lesson as quick as possible. during our lesson..edna went to look for basketballs for us to play. and yea..as soon as we ended our lesson..i discovered a BIG problem..okkay..not really me..madm xinyu la..we got 2 BB balls..but.........NO COURT!! sian..super sian la..should have saw my damn face. well..finally went to DnT block there play..and during that time we were super screw up. everyone took such a long time just to get into 2 grps. well..its my fault again..for not getting them to do things quick. well...den i just stood there like a piece of rock..and madm weilin asked me wad happened. hmm..wad was i supposed to say???


we ended trng with the usual debrief. den told sec 1s to try on our boots. den tried on beret as well. took down their sizes and all..intending to buy uniforms for them as soon as possible..to make sure they have less chance of quitting. evil right? but its not my idea. x))
finally trng ended. and my leggys are so suan. can't even get up la..and got leg cramps. damn irritating. =))


to u...hope u change ur attitude..u've really changed. i really wish to see the old u.the enthu u. well..maybe its true that ppl will change over time. haish..its really up to u la..coz we can't do anything to help..we can't force u..it will make u hate us even more.

today was a normal day...initially was supposed to practise our talentime dance today...but had to postpone it....hmmm we had to go for volleyball match.. the match was okkay...first round amk was winning...den yifang was like we sure win de...isit the oppenent bad or amk good?? aiya.. but then the other 2 rounds..we lost by like a few points..sad...den everyone was like gua gua jiao-ing..coz haven't eat lunch. den after the match..me and yf went yishun de north point..eat mac. den talked and talked and talked..very shuang..i like that feeling.=)) thanks YIFANG!!!


and btw...i did something incredible today!!! wahahaha..=)))

today was another normal day....but....got MORE PICS!!

managed to take this during geog lesson..i rotated this pic which i took from under my table..i xing right?? x))

another pic of miss chin..opps

calvin?? bangala??

yifang...say 'ahhhhhh'

look at nat and not at ks

wad happened to edna??

nice hat nat

say hi nat!

who's our artist?

qh admiring the artwork.

yifang and 'shen cai'

nice work right? we've got a great artist amongst us! weeeee.

another one =))

after sch at 202. edna and qh so 'GLAM-LY' eating their prata

AAAAAA and edna bit a piece of her whole prata.

that's all for today i guess. =)) jiayous for amaths test tmr.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY yingxin!

oops.

there's something wrong with the blogger's time. i dunno why. why is everything so weird? nothing seems to be right anymore.

pictures taken ystd

juli and me!!

madm kexin and madm weilin

and.............finally edna and me!! =))) (do u see our forced smiles?)

why must we be sad over every major event? NDP 2006, fancy drill, footdrill comp. isit because we din do our best? but we tried wad. feelings are so hard to explain..why isit that some of us can just treat not winning as nothing..after we put in that much of effort? why? maybe u just dun care. or u don't wanna care. its up to u la. really hope u will think it over. or maybe u expected it?

today's the footdrill comp..kinda disappointed....yea. but with myself. we came to sch and prepared our uniform. to make sure it was in 'tip-top' condition.yea..arranged the badges and wadsoever..den helped d rest..polish boots and get their uniform ready. den wen we were done..we changed into our uniforms and boarded the bus. the bus was a turtle no more. this time..it was kinda huge. yea..so everyone had ample space. even though we could not sit.


reached EVERGREEN sec in time. and was ushered to our waiting room by the VIs. waited for super long time..and i was kinda down. qh noticed it. yea..thanks qh! =)) was scared la..den..finally managed to cool down after playing with the madms. haha..we started beating each other..den pretend is not we beat de..den quite funny la..jiu laugh and laugh ..


finally..after waiting for so long..we were asked to proceed down to the carpark or wad la..where we had UI. den we made a super big mistake! the sir ask us fall out..but he meant that our commander should besurai us..not for us to fall out..but we all gong gong go fall out..sian..i think minus marks le lo. den straight away moved on to the parade square where we had our real competition. haish..sir maurice did a great job! seriously! but yea well..i guess the squad did make some very super obvious mistakes too la. saw madm joanne when doing hanta in the squad..could see her face...it was SUPER BLACK. kkay..nvm..anyone who saw that will face black black oso la..haish..after the competition we went to the hall..where we waited for abt an hour. sat there and practically slacked. felt really bad then..and went into the so called 'stone' position..aiya..not depression la. den finally they had to announce the results. yea..as u know.we obviously din get anything..but..i think we tried la..esp maurice sir. CHEER UP SIR! =DD.


den after that we sort of went downstairs to wait for our bus..den by that time i was really feeling bad le la..rmb-ed last yr..where we could cheer becoz we had won smth..this year..i could only listen to others cheer .. but well..i guess we'll try harder next yr bahh..they all tried to say things to console us la..but ya..the more they say it..the worse i feel.


then our bus finally came. we took it and i slept through the journey. really sad then..coz i know i did some really big mistakes..really sorry ppl. its my fault. i'd rather u guys scold me den tell me its not my fault. that way i would feel better. reached school den changed out of uniform. ms chan and ms tan wanted to treat us to eat..so we all went kfc. den i actually wanted to stone there again de la..but ahh..somehow vanessa managed to make me laugh. and make me high. moodswings i guess. den we laugh until very jialat abt something..the MISS UNIVERSE -- weilin. dunno leii..every action she did me and van will laugh until very bad. and they ppl around us would stare at us. as in madm kexin and madm catherine. yea..really enjoyed the laughing la. at least make me forget the unhappiness. THANKS VAN! =)


after lunch..everybody went seperate ways. juliana, weilin, kexin and me went across to take 851/852/853. den in the bus..we talked la..but juli, kexin and me kept laughing at weilin. den chat-ted with them until yishun interchange. took bus home. really happy..yea. but i still miss my MOUNTAIN KIA. was super tired when i reached home la..coz this morning wake up at around 5 plus. but still managed to find time to blog. so yea...now gonna sleep le.. tired.


p.s thank u ms chan and ms tan for the meal. we still owe u something which we will give u on mon. (opps)

have some pics. taken long ago. but yea..just wanna put it up

xx and zh

zh arranging the billard balls

the guys doing forfeit

nat doing his forfeit

madm weilin ( before trng)

i'm wearing ahma's shoe

ahma's wearing my shoe and i'm wearing hers

our beloved AHMA!!

had trng today. many ppl came back. not really alot lar..but madm wenjia, qingyu and joanne came back. we practised lar..footdrills and more footdrills. tmr's the competition le..but we're like somehow still lagging. but ya..really hope to get something out of the comp lo.


their presence made me feel abit out of place leii..esp madm qingyu. just not used to her staring at us. but well..she watched our performance out of the corner of her eye..super kong bu la. and once i zao xia..shit la. very xia suay. but yea..other den that okkay la. so hope tmr will be smooth going.


everybody..who is in the footdrill comp! jiayou! we put in so much effort le..so we must definitely do it de! we can achieve smth de! (: (am i bluffing myself?) haish. we'll just give our best shot..wadever the outcome will be...will be. everyone..take care of urself..drink lots of water and sleep early. (:

today.


lunch-ed at yoshi with ppl. namely qh, yf, edna and JULIAN! hmm..wonder why i put julian's name in caps. hahaha.. anyway..had funny talks with them today. and qianhui calls me BROKEYBACK!! and BAPOH MOUNTAIN!! oh man..and now i go around calling ppl brokeyback! hahaha..super funny. and the rest were talking abt wad drinking wad hua jiu...for more info..ask qh...hahahaha..coz i dunno how to explain. den they moved on to the subject of birthday presents. then we each said wad we wanted for our birthday...hahaha..actually not everyone said la..only yf and qh said..den in the end..went home with yf..while edna.... JULIAN and QIANHUI went to shop around for stuff..talked to yf abt some stuffs in the mrt..cool man. i love it!! hahaha thanks yf. so yea..that's it for today's post. ((:

had trng ystd..chiong lunch..coz got trng at 3 and sch ended at 2.30. sian..we chiong chiong chiong..in the end no need wear uniform..=(( haha..anyway..had a super duper chao ji bad stomach pain. really pain until cannot ren le la..if can ren..i will definitely ren de..but dunno why..ystd de is excruciating pain la. hmm..anyway..thanks for the concern everyone..and of course..rabbit de chu xian made me feel abit better. thanks ppl. then manage to skip abit of trng..coz our 'dear' commander dowan let me fall in..haha . trained on our footdrills. really hope we can get something in the footdrill comp la. or not will be a super big let down. well..the competition is in ONE DAY!! oh my gosh..well. we can do it de!! jiayou ppl for footdrill comp.! yea.


this post is super short. but yea..the FOCUS is my stomach pain.wahahaha..but ahh..coz other than that..i couldn't think of any other thing to write? and btw..got our badges le..very very happy..now can guang ming zhen da de wear my uniform le..got badges le ma!! hahaha..jkjk.
and tmr there's trng..hope it wun cock up. well..all the best ppl. and madm jacquelyn..please come back!! PLEASE?! =((

today was trng..was quite happy..and high..coz the strength was good..jialin and yiling came. really a BIG relieve to know we wun be disqualified from the competition. we will at least clinch a bronze in the north district de..we must.


madm joanne came back today. even though she's like JC le..and becoming a VI..still feel that feeling..like when we were still madm and cadet. that closeness. that feeling..its coming back. well..i gues it shows strong friendship can withstand the test of time..even with other ppl..not just her.


so..continued with trng..practised hard..bang-ed super hard..and arms aching..but it will pay off.
they gave us a break again..for breakfast. but some ppl din go..took the time to talk..=)
den after they came back..we continued practising..den because it drizzled..the parade square was wet..den aft it stopped raining..den we practised in the paraade square..had abit of fun splashing water on each other..well..at least we laughed..and smiled.


after trng was over..we 202-ed again. ate den proceeded home. went to buy physics book..haish..waste money again..but well..really no choice den buy de..thanks juliana and yf..for pei-ing me.


talked with them in mrt..i like these little talks..coz they help us bond. i think i said that before. =)) anyway..wednesday need wear full RC uniform. must get ready everything..in case on that day forget bring this forget bring that..den for sure kana pumped le.


and the competition is just next week..really hope we can make it. so as not to disappoint those who have high hopes of us. jiayou everyone..esp the commander..whom i seriously pity. oops

so stressed-up. is the whole world turning against me? the feeling of being thrown down from heaven to hell. sometimes..some ppl can make hell for us. i just dunno why.. did we owe them something from our past lives? u tell me.

sad, upset, disappointed. why must this happen.. now? because of some ppl..all our hard work has gone down the drain..even though if this arrangement is not confirmed yet..there is a high chance of it happening..and if that happens...our effort will all go down the drain. =(((


had a meeting just now..wahh..sucks man..could feel the atmosphere..everyone was down..haish..after meeting..we could not take it le..i suppose we broke down? sec 1s..please come..please come..our unit is dying..please..dun make it dao..if more ppl turn up tmr..i'm sure our unit can stay on de..please...and those who din come for footdrill trng..can please come? i said PLEASE! if u wan..i can go beg u!!!! just..please come..u know..just because u din come..we all can't enter leii..even if u dun think of improving ur drills..think of the rest can? can CAN??! haish ...everything sucks at this point of time.


really can't take it le..there are so many tests coming up..den some teachers can't even teach.. and is like piano exams are coming up..really stressed up..i can't even play the pieces properly?
wadever..really RRRRAAA..well..tmr's trng..and sec 1s coming..can we have more than just a mere 4 ppl?? for once..p-l-e-a-s-e.

today trng..hmm..strength no good..yf, qh, edna, vivien, jialin and me onli..so sad. they gave us a breakfast break..of 20 mins. we went macs ..but a few of us din eat. den rushed back..continued with trng..footdrill all the way.. ms chan has been very nice..all the footdrill comp trng..she has been treating us drinks..super nice..thanks ms chan!
den trained alot le..they let us play sports games..played basketball..with sir maurice..shoot shoot shoot..FUNN!! hhaha..coz can tyco get the ball in the hoop. hahaha after that..still continued trng..for awhile..this trng was abit slack la..actually quite slack ..hahabut we bonded la..like there was time to bond..talked abit..ya..den we finished trng early but had to stay back to settle the workshop thingg..to decide who go which course/workshop. den around 2.30..we went to eat lunch..at 202..our favourite hangout..haha.. ate..den walked to mrt..with yf and xy.. talked..crapped..i like it. bonding..time spent together..its important. =))


reached home..talked alot today..to ahem. haha..i just wanna tell u..whether u read this post or wad..u can do it de..dun hesitate..dun regret things that u did. wad has happened is over. dun regret coz it din turn out well..but because it even happened..do think things over in future..dun be too rash..and end up hurt again..and rejected. dun be too softhearted..know when its time to hold on ..and when to let go..cherish ppl around u. life's like this..so hang on.be strong..jiayou..anything can tell me de..so..stay happiie..and smile! =)))

just came back from the 3 day 2 nights camp. was okkay..it helped us bond together..3/3 '07. hope it will be a better year for all of us. and the sun was super hot. now i'm red. esp my nose. haha. black too. my neck hurts. sunburn. haha..well..


camp wasn't that good..a lot of cock ups..some due to the rain. and some because of some ppl. haish..a few ppl shed their tears because of that. as in our class not being united..and killing the frog thing. haish.. through this camp..could see who were the ones who r really helpful and all. esp when it came to area cleaning..those who cleaned the toilets were those who were really good. and while these ppl were cleaning the toilets..some others were down there slacking. sucks la..k..nvm.. and the trainer muh muh..he was nice la..nice ..den keep calling yx and pat darlings..den we were like...ooooooooooo. den keep teasing them..sorry yx. den ya la..the trainer really put in alot of effort into helping us. so..really very good. thanks ahh muh muh. =)))


den there r things that make me really dislike camp. coz the toilets and canteen was super dirty..due to the rain..the rain made all the leaves come in..den ppl anyhow step..den got so much dirty water..eeeeee so erxin. den did kayaking rafting..the high rope elements..zipline..and all the other things..rockclimbing and abseilling..den the campfire..was quite fun la..coz everyone performed..den everyone shouted their lungs out. now voice abit wavered. hahaha


when we finally so call 'break' camp..we took the bus back to amkss..den changed..and wadever..den chiong to kfc..oh yah..talking abt food..the camp food is okkay..not bad..some ppl say they give too little food..while others say they give too much..okkay..den back to kfc..me sam and van carried our bags..so heavy den we cannot take it le jiu call.......CAB! we cabbed to kfc..and paid like 3 dollars..hahah..ate to our fill at kfc la..everyone upsized their meals..haha..


den tmr got trng..footdrill comp de. we can do it de!! jiayou jiayou jiayou. haha =)))

ystd had footdrill competition trng..was okkay..trained quite hard..now body aching. btw..this is not complaining okkay? haha. ystd was quite down coz...felt disappointed in someone. really put alot of trust and hopes in this person. but this person..purposely shut the phone..dun even pick up la. i thought u were those responsible ppl who would call back to say why u couldn't attend trng. u promised me ystd u would come. but wad..u broke ur promise? why? i trusted u..that u would come, but this is wad u give me. i really dunno why. can u prove to me that u really had something on ystd..and had to shut the phone? to not make me feel so disappointed that u broke ur promise and all? i'm still trying to think that u had a much much valid reason for not turning up ystd. so please tell me that u really had something on ystd k?


the rest of the trng..madm qingyu came. she drilled us real hard. but i really think we have improved alot. as in our bangings. it is no longer like bird droppings le. but now the main thing is to improve our dressing, and armswings. i believe with that another few more percent of effort..we will be able to do well in the footdrill comp. den ms chan oso qing we all drink water. so good lo. first time man. haha ..we were supposed to thank ms chan at the end of the trng i think..but then din see her..so now....THANK YOU MS. CHAN ..=)))


and madm qingyu oso deserve thanking oso la..she came all the way down just to help us. well..unlike some others. nvm. den the yck de jingkai sir oso came down ..coz i think madm xinyu call him come down de. we were supposed to thank him for his help rendered on CCA open house that day. den after thanking dunno where the madms took him to la. but we continued drilling lo. den after trng over..waited for the madms ..so that we could go home together. then stopped by out side GG room there. GG madms were tekaning them. some of them had to stand outside the GG room for like almost an hour. and i think some of them oso nvr eat lunch la! den lidat put them..they nvr faint den is weird lo. but i think most of the guiders are strong de lo. so they all pulled through la..but i think the madms should occasionally come out and check on the welfare of the cadets.


and i think the GG tekaning was abit not right la. as in wad the madms told the cadets. most of them came out crying. really feel like going to comfort them..and when sam came out..she hugged me..telling me she will REN for cheryl..haish..could see tears in her eyes la..but she said she wun cry..but she made me even more scared la..i was like telling yifang alot of stuffs..until the guides were dismissed. we all went home together. yf and xy took bus to mrt ..while me sam and wl took 851..talked alot..thanks ahh...u-know-who. for ur encouraging talks. even though u might have said them to make me feel better..but it really did help la..thanks once again.



after chatting to edna ..found out that we should not place too high hopes on the sec 2s. because they are bound to disappoint us. and to sec 2 nicolas..even though u r e only boy..since u have joined..make ur best out of it. dun be disheartened because of wad others say..it will only make u feel worse..i know saying this might seem easy..but it might be quite hard for u..anyway..jiayou k?? if u come to trng..we wun leave u out de. =))

i tried..i really tried..to hold back my tears. to be strong as someone asked me to be. but i went around reading blogs. everyone is so depressed. as depressed as i am. can't help but cry in front of the computer when i read their posts. i tell everyone to stay strong..but i myself am breaking down.


i controlled my tears ystd. after the fancy drill. edna told me not to cry. i stopped. i tried my best at talking to the sec 1s. to persuade them to join. we said some things that we not true abt our CCA. i don't wan to make anyone cry because i was crying. but now, at home, there's no one to see me crying. i can cry. tears just keep rolling down. i still dun get it. will anyone tell me why?

sorry vanessa, sam, and the others..u guys created that one single chance for me..but i totally ruined it. i seriously want it. but u know..when u have that little heart of urs beating so furiously..if u go out there..ur heart might just break..i can't do it..maybe i'm still not ready. and i don't know why. its so hard for me just to say hi to ____. i guess everyone's had that kinda of feeling before. its normal i guess. just that not everyone shows it. its just that kind of respect and admiration for that person.

i think there's not much time left too. one day they will all leave this school. but there's nth i can do to stop it.

suddenly feel so lonely in this world..everything's crashing down on me. only with the love of those who care for me can make me strong again. its just pure stress. and at the beginning of the year. can't stand wad i see in the classroom 3/3 everyday. and our Red Cross unit. as wad they said..its getting weaker and weaker by the year. how to make it strong again?? with such strength. sometimes i feel...being a cadet forever will be the best. but it will nvr happen. and look at the sec 1s. haish. there's footdrill comp. round the corner. they wan us to get at least bronze..to maintain..or better. u think its that easy?? and studies...they r the most stressful. everyday...she's nagging. getting quite sick of it. den still got piano. haish. practical and theory. i have to pass. emphasis on HAVE. i'm trying u know. trying.. but still have the will to carry on. because i know i must. and i will. that smile..that happy face...is just a front to cover wad's inside. when can i be really happy?? to smile like i used to. to be wad i was last time. those innocent times. and those friendship bonds. i miss them all. i really do.

that feeling ..when u know that they are disappointed with u but they r not showing it..but and when u know u have tried ur best. seriously la... if u think u're so good..why dun u try it urself? we have put in so much effort, but u all still think we're still fooling around. and we're not okkay? how to get high when all this shit is happening?


and u tell me..is it right to lie? if not, why do u all lie too? why do u wan to drag others into the suffering that we're going through right now? i dun get it. is it really right to do that? u're dragging others into the water la. i seriously dun wish to do that. i dun wan others to be going through the same fate as us. i dun wanna bluff them. i wan them to do it of their own accord. but....there's no choice..we have no say. so that's that.


i know i'm not the only one going through this. there r others who r going through this too right? but just glad to know i'm not alone feeling this sickening feeling.


please dun push me to do the wrong thing..i just feel its not right. coz we still lied. and u all know it.

today's the fancy drill/CCA open house. arrived in school at abt 6.45. put down our uniforms den went to set up our stuff. i was the i/c for today. kinda suay la. haha. reported in mufti..den was asked to help out at our booth.we all rushed to the booth. there was quite alot of things to set up.
after setting up..mdms ask us change to full uniform. we changed..and were given guard belt to wear!! super happy. coz its super nice. ahahaha. den we managed to get to practise our full fancy drill one last time b4 the real performance. we did it...den returned to our booth..only to find out that many VIs and sirs from HQ had come. its like quite pressurising la..den mdm qingyu was quite disappointed la. u ask me..disappointed abt wad...i will tell u..she disappointed abt our everything..from banging our boots to holding our poles properly to becoming enthu/high. haish..


den very fast den was our turn le. so anxious can. even the NPCC sir dropped his flag la.. SIR le leii..still drop..den we all still cadets ma..but we did our pole thingy quite well..no one dropped. so heng la. or not will very xia suay. but the only thing is...we lost timing. den after the whole thing, everyone become very down. mdm xinyu said 'i can see u all tried ur best.' walao. make me feel even worse can..haish. den mdm qingyu spoke to us. haish. could see it was gonna be a long day. classes came and went, but few ppl signed their names. everyone tried their best to encourage the sec 1s to join. the mdms and sirs who did the demo was super bang!! pei fu they all. well..everyone tried to act high ..but i think shi bai la..coz we were tired...legs so tired..den can't sit..hahaha..den no choice..gotto 'ren'.


den interacted with lots of ppl..haish..finally dismissed at around 3++. before that...i had to give them uniform inspection seh...den the mdms keep 'samula-ing' ..haish..den after that had to 'besurai' them...then keep got problems..den 'samula' again..but in the end..managed to do one nice one. den we were dismissed.


ms chan said our fancy drill was super good. but u think it is? or isit just something said to make us feel better?? i seriously dunno.

thursday and friday had fancy drill training ..as well as preparing for sat's CCA open house. mdm wenjia came back on both days to train us. den ahh..everytime we wan to use parade square practise....jiu got NPCC de ppl there...like so zhor dang. fine. mr siva booked the WHOLE parade square. smart lo. anyway..it started to rain. and guess wad, NPCC went to the shelter and they came back to the parade square looking like little blue and orange riding hoods. its damn funny la. we were there laughing. =DDD so evil right. fine. then we continued practising our fancy drill. was okkay le..just that sometimes ppl will drop their pole. then the timing oso not clear/loud enough. den mdm wenjia will scold. =(( haish.


den practise and practise and practise. well..fancy drill is seriously much much more fun den normal trng..hahaha.. went home late after these 2 days. super duper tired la. x))) well..tmr's the real fancy drill!! jiayou ppl!! we can do it de...WE WILL WIN THE WAR..red cross, girl guides!! wahahahaha..love UG!! =))))