argghhhh!!!! grrrr. i shall and must learn to cool down. don't let my emotions get the better of me. i hate moodswings. they suck u know. damn it. why; why must have 18 ppl ?! can think of us for just this once? u all just don't understand. we're really trying our best okkay, to get the 3 extra ppl. u all say go find from other school, we can't rely on them. they're not part of us. they stood us up at last year's ndp. i can't trust it, not once more. once bitten, twice shy. whatever fuck. gosh, so vulgar. yet i can't show it at home, no. no one at home knows how i really feel. and i don't intend to tell them either. actually, its none of their business la. why bother them. only at night, with the peace and quiet can i let myself calm down, and find solutions to annoying questions and requests.


what's the problem with me? i'm getting the 'wo yao shui jiao' syndrome. where everyday i enter class like a zombie and keep complaining that i want to sleep. so idiot right. and the weather so hot, make me even more frustrated.


and why, why don't u beloved little cadets understand, cca recruitment is a major and important thing. yeahh, tuesday debrief. i know u all are wondering, 'huh, ** oso don't have so many ppl, like that also need to cry meh.' yah, the look on u all the face explains it all. but u all just don't understand. don't wait till its too late, then regret. its no use by then. how, i really don't know how. should i kneel down and beg u all, to get more ppl then u all will understand? i know its not u all de fault, but since we're facing this problem, u all have to try. u all can think it as u all suay la. this batch so few ppl. but since we're facing a problem, we should face it together, as a unit. one for all, all for one. i really hope u all will understand.


p.s my brain is cracking. how to glue it back? i hate all stupid idiotic problems.