its not on purpose to keep things from you, do u even understand? our circumstances? when do we even have the chance to talk in class? when? i have no chance. i don't do it purposely. but do you understand? msgs, calls. you don't reply. however hurt, upset, angry. what can i do? nothing if you choose to ignore. i know u have feelings, i don't neglect them, i really wan our friendship to be closer. that bond, but somehow things don't permit us to do it. for us to bond. i'll stress this fact again, if i could, i would. really, to tell u everything. i tried, and i'm tired. when i walk over, you go away. now i understand, how my invisible felt when i did that to her. i'm sorry, invisible. now i'm getting the retribution. those whom i want them to care, don't. but those least unexpected, they cared. some care too much. probe too much. from gratefulness, it turns to dislike. because its annoying. but no one understands. they just wanna know. curiousity kills them. but why?! why, everyone faces difficulties of their own. but hey, just remember, i would be there if i could, for you. but can u think, would u let me to? how many times i tried? if i could, i would sit next to you, so that every ounce of information i receive, you'll be the first to know. but that's impossible. you've gotto understand, i'm human. i forget things. i don't have such a superb memory. with so many things going on, you just have to try, to understand. i don't expect much, i don't expect you to pardon me from ALL my sins. i just want you to voice out your uncertainties, all your doubts, all that you are unhappy with. so that i'll understand too. do u get it, girl? i'll still try, to understand.

we lost, how damn damn damn friggin' sad. hais! sigh sigh sigh. its like, effort. SO MUCH EFFORT, disappointed with my own performance. i talked too fast, too nervous. idiot!! a failure. if only, we had done abit better, we would have won evergreen for the 2nd runner up in the north district. and would have got into the national round! ARGGGGGGHHHH. disappointed them. disappointed our sch. our sch name, angmokio secondary. amkss could only go up to get a COP, and the plague of appreciation for hosting this bloody event. 2nd runner up. 3rd. when?


sorry to all the ppl around me. i know you all cared. but i just .... .... felt like i needed time alone. sorry for my moodswing ystd. thanks ms chan and ms tan.

Simple personality test
Identify yourself as right or left brain person:

1. Hold your hands together, as if you were wishing. Look at your hands.
If you see...
Left thumb is below the right thumb ---> left brain
Right thumb is below the left thumb ---> right brain

2. Fold your arms.
If you see..
Right arm above left arm ---> left brain
Left arm above right arm ---> right brain

Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:

Right-Left
Considerate, traditional, indirect type. Can instinctly read other's emotion, and respond friendly by nature. Although not very into taking intiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality gives others a feeling of being protected. But their weakness is they cannot say no; regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.

Right-Right
Loves challenges, Straightfoward. Once they decide on one thing, they will take action right away. Very curious. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they don't listen to others, will filter in only what they want to hear in a conversation and are very subjective. However, because of their straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.

Left-Left
Dedicated, cold, perfectionist. Very logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasoning. Has a lot of pride, and feels strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponets, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be very "anal" as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.

Left-Right
Likes to take care of others, leader type. Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs. Because of their cool and calm nature and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care of others too much. Very concerned about how others view them, and always on alert.

try this, tag to tell me what u are k.

maybe this shouldn't even have started. i don't know. i think i'm being selfish, to have such selfish thoughts. this is mad, when i just started to overcome it............it ends. sorry, i can't be the one.


after all, i'm just a stranger. someone who can nvr be there, but only meant as a last resort. but don't worry, i understand. and what can i expect? nothing, so i think i understand. yeahh, the devil's already in you. now mine's coming to get me, tell me, how do i run away from it? to find a place to hide so it doesn't catch me. then i'll be ruined, for all those thoughts would come back again.


i'm becoming evil, turning into someone even I myself don't know.

someone whom i don't know anymore.

our unit. love these pics. love redcross. beloved cadets, and ncos. and our 2 YOs. =))

ps. look at my face in the last pic. like wanna smile yet dowan. lol, so dao leh. paiseh.

am i given this other chance? if i blow it, i'll be such a great idiot. hmm, or maybe it was meant to be a joke all along. i don't know who to trust. i'm confused. that invisible link, my invisible friend.

you&me=trust

hah, racial harmony. the badge given was nice. so was the motto. too bad not everyone can trust the ppl around them, some choose to keep it within themselves, somewhere deep in their heart, in that little bottle, nvr to be opened..until one day, it has been filled with almost every single trouble, that it will burst..... ...that would hurt. well, its up to them. and its the ppl around them who cares' job to help them unleash all these troubles..to take their pain and sorrows away from them. some ppl don't believe in forever, i don't too. nothing last forever, that's a fact. that's why ppl don't want to make friends. don't want to confide. don't want to cherish. sometimes i think, why make friends when one day they all have to leave you? once they go, its different routes you're taking from them, you might not see them again. you'll not be the one they confide in anymore, no matter how close you were, they will make new friends..and so will you. and all that's left will be memories, photos..and all just black and white, it will nvr come back, just like how time will nvr stop, the days which have past will never return. that's why it is important to cherish, just to see their face, but you know it won't last forever. today you might see it, but tmr maybe not. after graduation , no matter how they reassure you that they will return, that you will continue being best of friends, you know that that's not the truth. not that you want to doubt them, but its a fact, a fact that cannot be denied. its easy to say, to say that you won't forget, that you'll always be best friends, that's easy to say, everyone can do that. but how many can keep to their word? it takes two hands to clap, if one party is unwilling, no matter how the other tries, everything would be in vain.. and that friendship would be gone, for both would have other commitments of their own, because ppl change, no one stays the same, especially in character. you won't be able to trust them anymore, for you don't know how theyy've changed, into what they have become. they are someone different, different from that person you used to know. how sad. then you'll look back and think of those times, both the happy and sad ones. times you've spent together. then you'll reminisce, everything that happened in the past. it happens again and again. in a cycle. a cycle which will end one day..

a bad mood. a moodswing. which really sucks. coz i neglected close friends. idiot. so many stupid happenings. sometimes i don't really even know why, and no, i'm not like qianhui. that one can confirm. but whatever, just that nowadays ppl's mood is like shit. grrrrr.


and don't you keep to urself. even if you don't wanna talk to ppl, blog, or write it in ur diary. i don't want to see you like this, okkay. that shield, i'll wait for the day you remove it.

noooooo............ super upset. =(((( why!! our hard work, and we only can get a trophy at most if we win?!! lanyard leh?!!!! ARGHHHH!!!!!!! i wanna cry!!! save me? why? why? why? WHY? WHY? WHY?!!!!

are you angry with me? so much so that you ignore me now? no doubt we're invisible friends, but you still mean alot to me, because you're a friend. we might not say 'hi' to each other in school, but hopefully outside of school, we can still talk. i have the feeling that you're angry , or even mad at me. are you? everytime i walk past you, i have that fear. some unidentified fear? a barrier? something that keeps me from looking you into the eye. i know you're trying, trying to help me overcome that barrier. i feel you're giving up, or maybe i am. maybe we can't even be invisible friends. Nothing, nothing left. then how about the chats we had? or maybe its a fault on my part. i din try hard enough, enough to make this invisible link hold on. maybe it broke? hah, i don't know.

ehhh, why am i typing this? its so weird, i don't know. how come? how come? grrrr. unexpected.

its strange how the closest of friends become the worst of enemies, and yet, distant strangers whom although cross paths everyday without taking a second look to the person whom they've just passed become the best of friends, will these 2 newfound friends become enemies after being together for awhile? and let the cycle continue? is it true that friends can never be forever? but how about the memories? will they just remain as memories? stored somewhere at the back of one's mind? but never to be brought out again? is that what will happen 10 or 20 years down the road? when we grow old, can we remember what we went through in the past with the friends of ours? what if one day we crossed paths again, but yet don't acknowledge the fact that we were once friends? will it hurt? will it bleed? will I feel a thing?

i've been dreading farewell assembly. i'm afraid, afraid that once they go, it would be the end.

once in my life, there was this person named ______ __. she touched my heart with all those small actions of hers. she helped me with my schoolwork, and was a great senior/madm cum friend. she could take time out to be by my side when i was unhappy. we were actually more than just madm and cadet. and i did go to her farewell assembly, to bid her goodbye. i got her something. i hope its still with her now...ya there was hugs and tears, i was afraid though, to say goodbye. but after i left, she sent a msg thanking me for the present. and she said something i would nvr forget. 'best cadet and friend'. i thought i could believe it. maybe i was just thinking too much. but how it seemed so far away. we no longer talk, where did our friendship go? why..why must she go back on her words, maybe as she said, let our past be a memory. that hurt, but its true. my next obstacle, with 2 closer people, to me la. to them, i don't know. but they're even closer to me than the above mentioned. the hard times of being cadet were spent together. the good times were even better. messages, long chats on the phone and outings after trainings and events. i'll never forget the bus rides home.....and of course train rides? these memories are really important. i know...as you said, things change, people change. feelings will not be gone but will only lessen. because we'll be going seperate ways..... will there be a day where we can meet again? and still be best friends? i'm scared. really scared. every single one of you say that we'll be best friends forever...but isit true? once u move one step ahead in ur life, u'll nvr turn back again.. and these friendships will just be a figment of our memory, something to remember but not to be dugged up again. . . . grrrr i hate life. i hate goodbyes. actually not really hate, but fear...i'm sorry.

i'm really proud of my sec 2s. really really proud. u see it ppl. u saw it. i'm proud. proud of u all. but now u all know it, please change. u all have the power to do it. do better for ur next AOP. if u all can change, it doesn't matter if i lose my voice a hundred times. can u all do it? are u all strong enough to do it?

ya, u said u hate backstabbers! BUT U ARE ONE! hello, what's wrong with u?!

i'm pissed. fucking pissed. i hate it, even though it does not concern me, and i'm not trying to be kpo. but i just can't stand it anymore. GRRRRRR. kukunuts. evil!! evil! evil.

today was average. went for cadet recognition day. was quite cool. amkss was the only sch which had 2 cadets receiving the DIRECTOR'S award. loveRly. lol. anyway, congrats to the 2 madms. wahh piang, so iso-ed. haha..coz yf and qh in GOH contingent, edna in NDP, grrrrr. nvm i have CAC. hahahah.


then after CRD(cadet recognition day), bus-ed back to amkss for NPCC ROD. ummm..not bad la, but ya, got nothing to comment on. shhh. and i din know that mr soh is NPCC de. scared me. :(( yaya, then after that went bugis in search of a sch bag, i can't find suitable one. sucker right.. then sent xinyu off to orchard ..we entrusted her in the hands of chunyin, alex, aurina, binghong, kenneth?, and i dunno who. anyway, ya, then went to makan at taka. we sat on the floor to eat. shuang leh, legs were aching. then went home after that...was so squeezy, me and sam are like being squashed into the train. was tired and sleepy again...... ZZZzzzzZZZ. see, i told u. i got the 'wo yao shui jiao' illness. sad lehh....anyway, reached home, watched shen diao xia last episode. cool fighting skills, imagine i possesed some of them. how cool can it be? lol.


so, nothing much to say already. xinyu, take care of ur feet!

i now have a bad voice. and i'm really tired. its just the start of our NCO journey, yet there are so many problems arising already. i'm really tired...i just want to sleep, everyday in class i'm like ZZZZzzzzZZZZ....and i have to find smart ways to sleep without teacher noticing. hey! you're not the only one who feels sleepy in class, you're not the only one who has tons of homework to do. do u all know how stressful sec 3 is? i bet u all don't. wad's wrong with u all now? can't even take some basic punishments, how to excel? when u do wrong, u have to face the music. we have already been very lenient from the time we took over. or maybe that's where the problem lies.


i'm confused, i'm scared. that's when tears start to flow, i need to control. to be more fierce, to scold and not xin tong. madm xinyu was right, but i don't have the heart to. grrrrr. why am i so weak! just such a useless me.


forget abt those unhappy stuff....harry potter was like quite a disappointment....was not thaht good leh...previous movies were better......... and juliana is like !@#$%%^& ehh girl..wad's wrong with u ahh, always think ur sixth sense is right!! haha..maybe sometimes la, but then.......i dunno la..anyway i'm going for cadet recognition day. i'm really happy!! thanks to miss chan that both of them can get! really damn damn damn chao ji super happy. lol.


kkay, i needa get ready to go meet the 2 madms le..haha. take care ppl.

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart,is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts,is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Cause true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things
we'll wish we'd never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world
I'd make this last
Sometimes goodbye, so it hurts in your heart,is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, so it hurts,is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to sayI'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'Cause true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run intoI'll comfort you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart,is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts,is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to sayI'll miss your love in every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
`Cause a true love never dies

sometimes i feel like giving up, giving up seems so tempting. seeing other UG, they all have their parades, ROD, POP ..like its such a grand event. seniors, ex madms and ex sirs, friends and brothers.. are all invited by an invitation through email, through letter. and they have their parade in the parade square, such a huge and grand event. i'm upset, but what can i do? our POP, so upsetting. maybe it was meant to be like that. a disaster? or maybe we were just suay, coz the parade square was in the process of renovation...why? why? why?!!! what happened?! what happened to the once so glorious red cross? when i took out our flag just now, and let the wind blow it high, it looked so beautiful, so full of power. just like what we used to be. but i don't know why, why it has become what it is now. things are just so bad. i don't know how to make it better. i'm so useless, what kind of yi zi am i? i know, in u all de eyes, i'm not one. i can't do a single thing right. if so, why am i here? i really don't know. but whatever it is, i'll still try my best. don't worry, the unit won't fall. and i'll keep all my promises made.

argghhhh!!!! grrrr. i shall and must learn to cool down. don't let my emotions get the better of me. i hate moodswings. they suck u know. damn it. why; why must have 18 ppl ?! can think of us for just this once? u all just don't understand. we're really trying our best okkay, to get the 3 extra ppl. u all say go find from other school, we can't rely on them. they're not part of us. they stood us up at last year's ndp. i can't trust it, not once more. once bitten, twice shy. whatever fuck. gosh, so vulgar. yet i can't show it at home, no. no one at home knows how i really feel. and i don't intend to tell them either. actually, its none of their business la. why bother them. only at night, with the peace and quiet can i let myself calm down, and find solutions to annoying questions and requests.


what's the problem with me? i'm getting the 'wo yao shui jiao' syndrome. where everyday i enter class like a zombie and keep complaining that i want to sleep. so idiot right. and the weather so hot, make me even more frustrated.


and why, why don't u beloved little cadets understand, cca recruitment is a major and important thing. yeahh, tuesday debrief. i know u all are wondering, 'huh, ** oso don't have so many ppl, like that also need to cry meh.' yah, the look on u all the face explains it all. but u all just don't understand. don't wait till its too late, then regret. its no use by then. how, i really don't know how. should i kneel down and beg u all, to get more ppl then u all will understand? i know its not u all de fault, but since we're facing this problem, u all have to try. u all can think it as u all suay la. this batch so few ppl. but since we're facing a problem, we should face it together, as a unit. one for all, all for one. i really hope u all will understand.


p.s my brain is cracking. how to glue it back? i hate all stupid idiotic problems.

i'm now in sch's com lab. air con. mrs chung rocks man. haha. lol. sadded. ltr got ndp trng. siva makes me mad again. whatever.


lets don't talk abt him le. haha. kkay, this friday sec 2s AOP. hmm. better do a good job sec 2s. =)) good luck!


ps. i feel evil. and bad. is that considered back stabbing? backstabbing someone whom i really respect??

o7/o7/o7 - the start of our new journey.

i wonder if i had made the right decision. i hope so. =))

everyone's getting out of hand, yet i'm doing nothing. no wonder i'm at fault. so what if i already knew, i did not do anything about it. yes yes. its my fault. its my responsibility. to keep ** in hand, make sure ** don't do wrong things. make sure ** don't overwrite me. scold ** if she does anything wrong. and i still have to take care of **'s welfare. omg. i'm trying okkay. i really am.


yes, i'm a coward, a total failure. a failure to keep them in hand. i'm stuck at a fork of my current life. i'm so unsure, so unconfident. i really don't know how. counting the numerous times i've cried over this. i'm just useless. what should i do? which route should i take? where should i go?

i dislike it.. really dislike it. but what can i do?!

i know i haven't blogged for a darn long time...from since dunno when. yeahh but no mood. yah..and i really wanna thank my dearest cadets chongxi and vivien! ya i know i very last minute, but hey, we still managed to complete a FIVE THOUSAND over word report. when it was supposed to be like 2000 words only. sorry girls, my fault, i din find out more. but yeahh more words better than less right?? =)) anyway, we might stand a chance. we will become like them one day. haha.

yes, lanyard! we still gotto complete poster..okkay! =))

and yes, i wanna praise my girls ..you guys have done quite well for footdrills. though need a bit more polishing, but u all still did a good job. ya...and even though u all nvr greet us. =(( i really hope next year's national footdrill competition, we can really get something out of that competition, and show others than AMKSS RCY is not just some incompetent school joining the competition just to show others that we exist. we will show them. =)) continue with the good job ppl! =))