cried like no one's business. why? because i'm useless. why can't i control..trng was trng. changing parade(CP) as usual..actually i see no point in CP..even though cp is a tradition passed on in every UG. maybe it trains urgency...but then..change in and out...aiyo..then footdrills. commands..tried to perfect it..but in the end..still same mistakes..not dowan to change leh..but then...somehow..can't. i don't know why too. life is just abt REGRET REGRET and REGRET. in the end..cadets became madms..madms became cadets. WE , yes WE could not take it..so weak right? just because our madms call us madms. wow..yeah..u all are right i suppose..we can't be crying just because we are at our wit's end, can't cry because we are disappointed, maybe not in front of u guys, and our juniors. well..what will redcross become in the future? we want as much as any other person, cadet, madm, nco, UG to have a good unit, good cadets, win competitions, make u all proud. of course we want. i just want to know something..have we ever made u all feel proud of us? did u feel happy when u saw us in the marching contingent..to know that ur cadets were good enough to be in the marching contingent..for parades. trying to make u all proud of us..but we don't know how. or maybe i don't know.


i made 2 promises today. one to sam, another to a guides YA. the promise to sam, and to myself. written in black and white, and we both know that we will keep it together. the promise to the ya, to be stronger, to do my upmost best, for the unit, for them, for her. to make them proud, to be a good leader. i know i can't, but she said i can. ppl believe in me, but i can't believe in myself. i've made too many mistakes, i can't pick up from where i left off. but she asked me to re-start. i've disappointed too many ppl, broke too many promises and cried too many times. i shall restart, never give up and do things that will make them proud.