i heard, and my legs walked to the rhythm in my mind. just walking forward, to where seemed right. uncontrollable was the word; i wasn't prepared at all.


'if you know you'll easily get affected by others then sometimes its good not to bother. if you want to help others, make sure you are emotionally prepared. if you are also like that, how will others recover from their troubles or fears?'

i guess so, my innermost feelings kept safe from the outside world. for all who was so eager to know, i was not being emo, i was only dazed. the thoughts of the incident which happened earlier on still rushed through my mind, constantly recurring. i can never forget. why am i doing this, or rather why did i do that? why didn't i control my legs, to stop me from walking.
in the end, i ended up in a real daze, shocking everyone because i haven't been in that state for a very very very long time.

and i'm really sorry wenjia, i'm sorry i scared you and dao-ed you. i was the first to give you such a stare and black face huh..i really wanna apologise. and sam, i'm sorry you had to walk around the whole school in search for me. today is just bad. what the hell is wrong with me. your face, your everything. shut myself up. i could never, ever be. i told myself time and again not to bother, but it ain't that easy. it seriously isn't. when it comes to something you really wanna abstain from, but your mind tells you otherwise. its so hard to go the backflow. your mind only tells you to go forward. valves in the mind prevent the backflow of thoughts? there's no such thing by the way. i dislike my stupid reasoning. strong distaste and repugnance.

i shall just TRY to not care. and isolate myself from this alluring yet complex and harshly realistic world. one wrong move you make, you dig your own grave. so i have to question every move that i make, and move along as things, people and the environment changes.

would someone tell me how to move on?