tired. very very tired. i hate ur naggings. can't u just shut up. argh. theres so many things i need to do, why can't u just bloody understand. !@#$%^&* forget it.


i have so many thiings left undone man. and trngs not working out how i thought it would be. just wanted u all to try ur best, i'll be happy and contented. can u understand wad's going on now. we only have 1 or 2 more trngs till POP. but the drills are still like ....lidat. i don't wanna ask for much, just for u all to put in ur best. just ur best. its enough.


anyway..started on cac ler.. discussed the topics. really hope to do a good report and presentation to get the LANYARD. we will work towards that..to show you that we are not useless . hurts to know that u nvr feel proud of us, nvr feel happy when we have tried our best. why...whatever we do, its all wrong in you guys eyes. what must we do to make u all feel proud, feel happy, feel contented?? will winning this lanyard help?? if it will, i will try my best.

today, met at amk at 12. outside school, we stood, under the hot sun. waited for the ug ppl to reach. yb and konnie late, so we went mac wait for them. then we discussed abt our stuff. oic good lor. fang wo men fei ji. pro ehh..nvr tell us. !@#$%^&* nvm. then after everyone reached, we WALKED to pierce reservoir. but it was a nice walk. even though under the hot hot sun. walked the bishan park way, then finally reached pierce. we checked out the trails, and decided our checkpoints. pointed our the dangerous areas, and took the necessary precautions down. it was so serene there. the sound of water running, and insects. even though it was hot, there was a slight breeze. i felt i enjoyed it, an exercise with the trees. haha. then some ppl were in bad mood, for some reason or another, they went home.=((( pangseh us. in the end, sam koonling dinie yongbang and me were left. we sat down at mos burger finally. ate there, and discussed our activities. yb and dinie left after awhile. it was super productive with koonling! then she left at 5, me and sam continued till 5.30. then sam went to watch spider with her friend.


i found out that, there's so so so many things to do. pop proposal, cac proposal, cugc proposal, parade procedures and so many other things. sian diao la. kkukukukuku. my head's burstin. i don't know where to start. if only one day can have 48 hours. then there would be so much more time to finish up what's left. i'm really tired. tired, holding something so heavy that its gonna crush down on me soon. can't i just put it down properly? and not let it crush me? tell me what to do. there's so may pretences around me. so many ppl with their masks on. i can't see their real face. i don't know what's on their mind, sometimes i wish, i had the ability to understand. to feel and know how they feel, so that i can understand the hurt, the pain and everything they are going through. i just hope, one day that i can remove all your masks. and not let the facade continue.

yesterday, rep to go toapayoh cc..for briefing for the ACT to help elderly with dementia organised by high5. you know, they are really very pitiful, and we should help them right? so help to buy the tickets to the actual event next sunday. each ticket cost 4 bucks. please help. and yeah, can you imagine how helpless i felt, as usual. sat alone there, in that big meeting room. i really hate that feeling. sometimes, i just wish u could tell me more, so that when i go, i don't feel so helpless, and don't know anything. all questions bombarded at me, i don't know how to answer, because i was not told of anything. but as the rep, i have to be the one responsible. i just wish, that you can tell me more of the info before i go, so that this wouldn't happen time and again. first aiders --- next sunday, we have first aid duty, report at 6.20 wear full red cross uniform.

met sam after that. and yeah..we had to go esplanade to check out next sunday's route, and where the marshals as well as first aiders have to be positioned. here's some photos of the ppl we will be working with,

me: now going esplanade.

xinyu: so cool ar? go there eat durian?

me: eeew, durian is stinko.

xinyu: tekan make u eat durian

me: no way. =.=

okkay..i see no meaning for this. hahaha. super random. anyway, durian is !@$%*$ my daddy likes to eat it. i don't know why i liked to eat it in the past, but now, its super gao wei!

okkay..and that guy in red up there, his name is eugene, and his dear friend, is jingkai. funny ppl. but not bad la...very friendly. =)

then after talked to them for a long time, and i was darn thirsty. me and sam got drinks from a little girl by the riverside. so ke lian you know. so we each got 2 drinks. -.- then rushed to yck mrt. picked up our class ppl. then headed to ms low's house for bbq. cool right, haha. set up the stuff, and had to go sam's house take the drinks, and i was stupid enough to try climb the fence. another stupid conversation occured.

me: eeeee. my leg cannot go into the hole. then i can't climb out.

cynthia(i think): if you could climb out, thieves can climb in.

stupid right? argh. then another one.

me: eeee. i tried to climb the fence, now my hands damn smelly. why the fence so dirty ahh?

ms low: because the fence was not meant to be climbed. that's why they don't clean it.

=((( . so i had to walk the long way out. sam's daddy drove us and the drinks out. then started bbq-ing. took lots of photos when edna fang and qianhui came back. then discussed cugc stuff. oic sick. but still, proposal have to hand in by wednesday.seriously no time liao. until 10++, we decided to go because it was drizzling. daddy fetched me home. so tiring.

but i miss 2/2o6.

i tell you. my rabbit died on 16th of may 2007.my beloved rabbit. i'll miss you, badly. you'll always be in my memory.

and my favorite picture of my beloved, I LOVE YOU. forever.

just came back from seoul garden. dinnered there....

we cracked the egg, and put it in. looks nice at first, but then.......

it turned very ugly. all thanks to kellyn! =DD

food was okkay.....normal la....but had fun playing with the little pieces of meat.

cugc's coming. anyway i'm not going. i wonder wad disaster would happen if i go. i wish good luck to the oic, 2ic, and pcs. good luck ppl. be more decisive...things will be done faster. =))

exams are almost over. with 2 more papers on monday. geog and CHEM. i don't wanna die.... =((
these few days have been library-ing with sam. really happy moments. esp the stupid things we did. and comeon, we're wearing our sch uniform. to have eyes of strangers fixed on us, i feel uneasy. haha. but then...had alot of fun, and laughter... these whole week has been late nights for me, its a daily routine. sian..but must chiong la...last minute revision. =x


last 2 papers...i will do well for chem. i don't want that ** *** to come scold and pick on me again. lalalalla. i tell you ahh, i don't know what i have done, or what did i do to make you dislike me so much! everytime pms, then jiu shi i zhong! why i so suay la! argh...nvm. you don't like me right, haha..what makes you think i like you , huh? tua pai la....... forget it. i shall learn to endure, to like things that i dislike. =)) if only you can treat me better...muhahahaha.


after exams, woooooo. i can't believe guides de farewell party is just next week la. their madms ji zhe step down . i tot ppl won't bear to step down?? i don't know..


things have changed drastically from the past till now. things will never be like the past.

chocolates make me go high.

can you believe it..i'm down in the dumps now...when there's bio and maths tmr... so little time..yet i'm wasting it here...thinking abt stupid stuff. i find myself a big idiot.


do i even have 5 friends i can trust?? just 5. i bet i don't. i used to, and now.......its back to square one. sometimes i try, but hard as i try, there's no results. i'm tired of all these.....when can i just go to sleep...without ever needing to wake again?


does life have a meaning? you are born, only to die in the end. you make friends, those whom u really love and like, only to have to leave them when you go. you find a lover, only to break up as time passes. you trust someone, only to have that someone misplace your trust. you study so hard, only to fail in the exams.


yet on the other hand, conversely, life is full of wonderful memories, amksian family day, 2/2o6 class gatherings, chalets, trainings, bus rides home, those walks, and so many other things. but these things happened in the past. what's wrong with the present?? why doesn't the present have any of these anymore?? i try everyday..to make others smile, and be happy. but who will, for me? i give care and concern to others, but who will care for me? i try to cheer ppl up, but who will make me laugh? make me smile from the bottom of my heart? let me cry into their shoulders yet don't ridicule me? i try to trust others, give them advice, but who will trust me? and advice me? i try to listen to others, but who will listen to me? if i ask any one of you, what kind of person am i? can you even give me a definite answer? or will the answer be a 'don't know'. u think you know me, but i might not be who you think i am. i'm tired...sometimes i don't understand. i just don't.


a sail without direction, will never have a shore. are they too precise or are we just too simple? are you content or am i just dissatisfied? are you happy or am i just sad?



a stupid person leads a stupid life. a complicated person leads a complicated life. a person who don't study bio will not pass bio. =.=

everything is important. i wonder what's wrong with my mind. you said things were fine now. things can return to the past. how i wish i could believe you. i don't want to doubt it, but maybe you were just saying it to fu yan wo. i hate the suspense, what you are thinking. i wonder how it would be like after exams. i'm still afraid to look into your eye now, coz when i see you, i will just siam. its become a natural thing.


i don't wanna play hide-and-seek anymore, nor do i wanna play the i-don't-know-you,do-i? game ler.

oh gosh..i read back my previous posts...like from since august 2005 one...i feel very paiseh. hahaha. my posts are like so ZZZZzzzzz. ahhh..ppl dont go read hor..hahahaha damn paiseh.. i will face red red one..hahah..last time sec 1.....so innocent..everyone too..and is like feelings towards training is super enthu and positive one. everytime we look forward to trng..not that i dont' look forward to trng now la..but then..is like....last time..week after week..we will be like huh..so fast trng end liao ahh...how come nvr longer...and then the week like past so slow..we want to go for trng de......yet now...i don't know..maybe feelings will change..coz the ppl change. whatever la... ppl do really change bah.. i can't help that... if time would stop.


coz i miss the past.

i ask you all...what do u all see... OH GOSH. look at geraldine!! her lanyard!! ARGHHHHH!

okkay..i admit...i'm really ENVIOUS this time. i admit ..okkay.. hahahah. look at her rank.......

WARRANT OFFICER eh...don't playplay. haish......wait long long..oso won't get lanyard lar...i very demoralised. haishaish.

a study day with joanne and juliana. studied at mac...mett fleonna and her clique. studied math...realise got so many things i still dunno how to do. esp lower sec topics. haish. how............ so bored there....tried to keep focused. but somehow..so many things on my mind.


then juliana said wanna go liao..i requested for time to go to the toilet. haha..then we left..and so coincidentally we met wenjia and her mum and bro. fate, as juliana called it. hhaha. then went to amk hub ntuc. so many ppl there la...we went there just to grab a bar of choc each. argh..ate it and felt so sinful. must go exercise liao. somemore today is tuesday. supposed to have PE. oh..missed another day of exercise. =((


okkay. shan't crap here anymore..and good luck to her and her stead. hopefully you two can be together forever. =)) please don't ill-treat her..or else... i'll go find you. haha. even though you don't know me and i don't know you. but u better watch out. xD