today is teacher's day celebration. happy teacher's day to all the teachers. including seniors and blah blah. haha. watched the performance by students at the third floor outside the library. yf qh and edna became lazy after while! HA, they went to sit down. left me alone standing. so ps right. grrr, nvm i got danhui! =))) and i saw INVISIBLE! nahh, she too busy playing with her wasp! hahaha.

the performances was errrrm, okkay?? ya, amk-got-talent, errrrr the title sounds abit wrong. hahah. ppl, if u don't get what i mean, its okkay. =)) and i pulled ah ma to pei me go to that window. i know i'm evil. hahahaha. but i missed the feeling . aha. again, its 2 more months. i will wait ... wait and wait. but.........as what invisible said, what if we don't talk?? what if words don't come out? oh mans, i fear the cold silence la. sometimes things will happen like that one. and are we using the SEA as an excuse not to divulge any other thing about our life now? what if the SEA day never comes?! invisible!! i dread to think of the thought that what if that day never comes?! i hope this bond will last forever-and a day.

graduants flocked to our sch and made our sch become so 'lively' all of a sudden. and ex-madms like jocelyn, fionne, joanne, jiawen, fangwei came. they are scary i swear!! like what qh said, even though they smile and laugh like wenjia, (haha, no offence) they look scary, they really do. i bet they forgot us le . they came into the RC room, and started making a din. wahh before that rc room is silent one lo, except for the occasional conversation that occurs between the sec 3 ncos. then they come, and started talking abt jc/poly life. and which sch got what shuai ge and mei nu. the sec 3 ncos were like 'UHH?? and give that -.- face'. really like bit***s lo. as in, the way they talk is CMI. yf was so FREAKED out that she escaped from the room. cruelly leaving behind me and yinyin. hais hais hais. haha. then had netball interhouse finals. INTEGRITY you all did a great jobb! they emerged champions again! pro right, of course, coz we have the pro netballers all in our class. ppl like cynthia, theora, caryn, eunice, suria and i forgot who. ahah. integrity just rock la! 2/2'o6. miss everyone and everything.

then after that had to wait for ms chan to print evac notes for us. we wait and wait, until 1++. like omg la. then went kbox, edna qh yf sam and me. long time since we had time to unwind and destress. qh yf and edna were singing chinese songs all the way, so sam and me decided to book another room. we're weird right. haha i know. and we pay like double what they paid. sam had her emo time la, then she slept. ke ai hor!! book a room just to let her sleep . ahah. and we coincidentally saw joanne when we went to the toilet. then as we were abt to leave the toilet, yf came into the toilet. and when she saw joanne, woahh, her reaction, as if saw something she is not supposed to see like that. then as me and sam were abt to leave, we saw joanne leaving too. so COINCIDENTAL!!! omg, we have so much fate! haha, and joanne claims that we followed her.

and i went home for piano, i was practically sleeping while playing the piano. and keep playing wrong notes. and the teacher became abit pissed off with me. heh! i'm tired okkay. =DD

nothing much today actually, its just, another day. our cold war is still on yeahh??

that window. just that no one is there. will that happen when next year comes and they have left?? oh mans, i'm so dead. what do i do next year???!

sec 1s aop today. grrrr! talked so much dunno whether got knock any sense into them anot. they're a cute little bunch of kiddos la, haven't grown up yet.


sad-ded la, but as we said, we won't give up on u guys! no matter wad, ahh ya. another lecture u all may think, but these are learning processes ! ha! i'm preaching again. when speaking to them just now, i thought back of our past, the memories in redcross youth AMKSS. everything that we had gone through, hardships and the feelings. when tears gush out. when emotions are hard to control. when everything seems like it just comes to a standstill. when you can hear your own heartbeating. when you are clear-minded for just one second. when you remembered.

interestingly, amidst all the scoldings and the lecture, i could for once really hear myself, and feel myself re-tracing the footsteps i once walked. it felt so real, and all i could think was how lost i felt. the dependence brought us down real hard. when we realised, no - they cannot be the ones there for us anymore.

BODOH la, why am i typing this. yilin ahh yilin, when will u learn to wake up ahh! life's not just about the past leh. omg, i need to bring myself out of the past and to live the present. i must constantly remind myself i'm no longer a cadet. no longer someone to take commands and orders. i'm now someone who gives them. which so suck. grrrrr. cadets, please cherish ur cadet life ! coz it won't last long. 2 yrs pass very very fast.


sec 3 is complicated. friendships. relationships. cca. studies. which one to prioritise? which one to do first? how to balance? how to handle it properly? wahh i need a counsellor! haha! jkjk. must go find the wad.. ms joti? haha. nahh no way i'll see a counsellor! i'll just kill myself man.


and and,
she finally received it. cool heh, i waited damn long just to give it to her. ha! i'm courageous can! jk.


and and and!
O lvls end in NOVEMBER! invisible, i wait till i die la!!! omg, why so long!!!!! =((((((((( i thought this yr should end early?! nvm, i'll be waiting for u to dunk me in the sea! AHAH.

wahh, okkay fine. our first ever arguement. cool heh. i dont' know. should i be the one apologising? or should it be him?


okkay look, i'm sorry u had to spend so much money on that, but heyy, whatever okkay? sorry for us not being normal, okkay? ya and sorry for everything uhh? its all my fault, happy?


i don't know if this would be the end. maybe, maybe not? grrr fine. i'm confused.

an interesting conversation that occurred during morning assembly this morning. today maths test ma, then everyonee is being guai kia. study and mug..then tancheesiong got hold of the microphone, and started his long naggy talks.

tancheesiong: 'amksians, please may i have ur attention. eyeball contact, blah blah......'

an amksian: 'ehh u got amaths textbook? can lend?'

so diao la. that tcs everytime like that one. what shit abt eyeball contact. and when he realised that no one was giving him eyeball contact, he said: 'well i can see amksians are hardworking, even as i'm speaking, they are mugging really hard.'

its lololololol la. fine anyway, today after school was kuku time for me. sat at 226 for a damn long time. ate and chatted with qh and edna. cool right, ya where's yf??? she's bein' a guai kia staying at school to lend first aid kit to sec 1s. SO NICE RIGHT!!!!! bleahhhhh as if, haha jkjk. returned back to sch only after we shuang. these past few weeks have been very much tied down with sch ndp'o7 and first aid competition. academics are also one big problem. i have been passing my subjects, but only average. gosh, must must must mug harder. where's my motivation??
and ya, once we're back in the RC room, its slacker's time. me and yf went kuku liao. and then the BIG TIME IMH occupant arrived. presenting - kee wenjia. ya la, she just finished her prelims, oral i think. then the RC room became some institute of mental health room for serious cases of mental disorder patients. uhhh, exaggerating huh, but really and serioulsy, yes. coz we were playing with the bear bear, and yf kept kissing it! AWWW, where's pinliang?!! ahaha,,she's so gonna kill me. finally left at around 6.

i'm being a stubborn and naughty girl by not wanting to put my BIG name one cat seah's autograph book. heyyyy i haven't wrote in autograph books for like 3 yrs..time just really flies. and yeahh, i keep on saying about what she hate me i hate her thing, got my dear edna a wee bit pissed, ehh? i don't know. and i promised to write 5 lines in her book tmr as an apology or what for not writing it today.


anyway, currently its raining. i just love it when it rains. when the raindrops come in. It's on rainy days that i start to think. the smell of rain, fresh. the sound of the water droplets, the feel of the weather. it all blends in perfectly, all on a rainy night.

i borrowed her blazer home today, and wait, i'm not like yunchao or ***** okkay, i'm not that sick, nor perverted. okkay. i just wanna play with it, coz i nvr had a blazer before. i want a blazer! ha!

and i have been diverting from topic to topic. confusion, i don't know. somehow my mind works in a disfunctional way. its been corrupted, data destroyed. i can only remember sad memories. thinking of only the negatives. some part of the brain is broken down, the other parts still hanging halfway. containing all the stuff, broken up into pieces. memories recollected, yet only the bad ones. emo? elmo la. okkay that's it. i hate being emo. or being named emo. i slap u then u know ahh. ha.


oh and i've been feeling very tired recently, slept in the bus hugging the blazer. so comfortable, coz i love bus rides. alone. i want a never ending bus ride. the road goes on and on .

okkay fine, the crap abt us losing is fake, including wad yifang said abt some lousy neighbourhood sch winning and blah blah. okkay, we achieved 1st runner up in north district and top 5 in nationals. yifang got best theory. its cool huh. red cross NCOs o7/o8 rock okkay, its really something to be proud of. a good start, even though we lost to evergreen by 3 marks to clinch the 2nd runner up in north district for CAC. don't worry NCOs, we'll do even better yeahh! and keep our promise of bringing RC to greater heights! this way, we won't let down our past and present ma'ams.

anyway, it was still a sad case that we din get to go present our award to mr tan today, all because of the rain. the 7 of us, which means the first aid team, 2 casualties and 1 reserve had to get up much earlier just to get to sch early, damn. and it rained. nvm, it doesn't really matter la. we just wanted to see the reaction of those who kan bu qi wo men !! HAHA. jkjk.


and so, because i lost around 30 mins of sleep, i was lethargic the whole day..looking like some zombie and refusing to open my eyes. some mechanism inside just keeps taunting the eyelids to close. yet somehow, when recess is here, i'm just so wide awake. weird huh.

today's recess was fun in a way. coz ahma and i were strolling around, and talking. which we haven't done for in ages. then sat on the chairs outside the toilet, and me remembering what sam had said, which is 'sitting outside the toilets make us look like some lao ticko, waiting to see what ppl are doing in the toilet' . sick la. but uhh no, that's not why we planted our butts on the chairs there. main point is, i said i would be at that window, and i was. i never broke my promise. =))))))))))))) and i heard her call zhuai kia again. weird right, ehh i thought i would nvr hear that again. and and, that dearest overgrown fern has apparently been chopped off. AWWW i feel sad!


and ya, good luck to all those taking prelims! take caree also! =)

it wasnt ours. it just wasn't.

FAC, we lost. okkay ya, even though its nothing to blog abt. but really wanna say that every single one of us put in our best effort okkay. for 2 weeks approximately, everyday was chiong dao siao. like qh said, just to get a COP?! certificate of participation?! we let ourselves down and all those who believed in us down.


so what if we teared, and xia suay-ed in front of others. our goal, 2nd runner up in just NORTH district. its still so far away. why can't we just do it?! for once. just to make everyone proud. damn. what the hell. blehh.

the only thing that is damn funny is, i tore away my poor casualty's shirt. sad case right? in front of everyone. and actually i meant to be si wen, and properly cut away the shirt with a scissors. but then, the stupid commentator said 'ONE minute left!!!' and we were short of 2 bandages. so i tore the guy's shirt, like a crazy woman, and used it as bandages. blehhhhhhhh it was a stupid move. and very xia suay. i heard everyone was talking abt it. SHHHHH.


anyway, before the commentator even mentioned the sch's names to go and get C-O-P, i was already tearing, can u imagine, while alvin sir was smiling. as if we got something like that. damn la. and when edna returned with the certificates...i hugged her and cried like a damn big water tap. ahh ya crybaby la. so we went to watch SECRET.


and u know what, i watched the whole show with damn huge big eyes, wondering why the hell everything was happening, coz uh u know, i'm damn slow and i don't GET the plot. in the end, yifang started touching my face like how jay chou touched that girl's face. idiotic right. fine. i only appreciated the piano pieces. the rest, blahh blah, coz i really don't get it. qianhui ended up crying, she really realliiiiiii looked funny when she cries..hahahaha. no offence girl, (i know i will be beaten up for writing this). and so, i went blur blur after the showing, asking everyone, uhh what did the show mean ahh? and yifang mocked at my blurness.. how bad right.

then went home, that's practically our day. just like that. hours and hours of training, just for one day. first aid competition 2007! nvm, sec 2s, rmb what we said ahh.

ps. thank you so much alvin sir
pps. thank you joanne for coming down too. don't u cry anymore. =)

tmr's FAC, 2nd runner up? possible? i don't know. hopefully, good luck ppl. =)

What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts

what hurts the most. nice video. the actress and actors are great. heh, jk .

the past few days have been first-aiding all the way. alvin sir's been damn nice to us okkay. he has been coming down to train us in evacuation, theory, bandages and blah blah. stretcher squad commanding oso, which is evacuation silver. cool la. anyway, thank you sir! and also thank you wenjia for all ur encouragement, ehh don't be too discouraged coz u din get DPA, u're smart de! you'll show that poly that not taking u in is their loss!! =)))


finally today, one day of break. went to central mac for lunch. its been a real long time since we all sat down for lunch already. so ate and chatted about alot of stuffs. saw GG's ex ma'am weiling and jolene. then qh went kuku, talking abt stuff which seems to have no link with what we are supposed to do, which is study for first aid theory. and yeahh, even though no link, she said she was serious. can see that too, don't think too much okkay. and the qiao qiao hua wasn't something bad. don't worry ehh.


and today, because of last night's conversation till almost over midnight with sam. sorry i din reply le...anyway about the past. memories..where we would be shy whenever we see our seniors...blush? esp sam...blush until face red dao siao la...and it would be such a thrill to just walk past the 4th floor where all the sec 4s are...we'll be scared. it would be just so nice to see someone whom u admire, whom u respect. all the memories all coming back. hais... and continued today, in mac...how fun, how we yearn for the past now..but its over. now its a complicated life, no longer the innocent one in the past...how we would be happy, and go crazy for the slightest of things..when now, not even the best of things could make us really smile.

3 yrs of friendship with sam, ups and downs together. from cadet life to ncos. leading the unit now, things ain't that simple anymore. how our ma'ams used to tell us that it is much easier to take commands than give them. we never ever dreamt of becoming maams..coz we understood? we were brought up in UG much differently than others, as in REDCROSS cadets..we were brought up much differently, it was tough, looking at the miserable number. and also how we were taughted and trained. always prepared for the worst, that was our ma'ams way of teaching us, grooming us into very much strong personnels, everything for NOW. for our nco life. ahhhh, why am i talking abt cca again. sidetracked always to cca. does it really influence me?? ahh now back to the topic, even though there isn't really one except for the past thingy, which to others who don't understand will say its boring.


woooo, so much crap again. grrrr. anyway, got back test papers..results are average. must work harder la...and that YIFANG ahh!! hahaha..get so high liao still complain not good. wad u wan ahh girl? u want the sky?? lol. oh and first aid competitions are on the 18 of august, its at shu qun secondary in jurong if i'm not wrong. and wenjia can't go. anyway, good luck all the first aiders! =))

and more pictures. thanks ppl.

and i'm back, finally. genting was okkay. e hotel room was big, cool place. and yeahh, back to ndp.

our slow march. heh, me and sam. coordinated? i don't know but i got a video. cool heh, in the video we looked coordinated, but we feel not. cock up seh. the first step i took, disaster. nvm. then our pandan kekenan and kehadapan. wow, did i sound like a duck? heh, i hope not. but aye, ndp's over. this year we din cry. coz we did our best! i hope my dearest cadets did too! wanna praise you all, coz ur drills were not bad. see, if you tried hard enough, you will be able to do it! and even though we got last for hentakaki, don't be disheartened ppl. we tried. we shall try harder next time okkay!

and for some pics, i don't have many, since all is using other ppl de camera.

yingxin and i

zhanhong and i

evelyn and i, i'm too lazy to open my mouth. inside got gold bars.

ncc air USM and i. hais, height difference. =((

yongbang and i! npcc top 2, sorry yb, i don't know u are which post. paiseh. =p

wad is ks doing? spoiling our photo ehh, always the one to dao luan. haha. jkjk.

finally, 22o6, but we're not looking at the correct camera.

finally. we're looking at the camera!

me and ks. he has to bend down to suit my height. so sad. =((

julian, ds, yx and me (land guys jiu zhuai la! haha)

this is one of the nicest shots, though where the ppl stand have to be re-arranged. hahah. jkjk.

ks and qh. ooo.

yx and ds. ooo too.

wqj, land USM and me. we're both zhuai kias!

and FINALLY, red cross NCOs o7!! from left to right, qianhui, vanessa, yifang, yinyin, edna and me. finally one nice shot of the 6 of us! way to go ncos! we shall bring our unit to greater heights!

thanks to the ppl who were there for me. for those who had not, those who told on me for something i myself know i did not do, those who do not believe me, i don't blame u, coz we don't trust. anyway, thanks to those who don't believe too, i can finally understand how *** and ** feel.


i shall just let time pass, hoping it will heal everything.

and oh ya, i felt the need to blog about yesterday, thursday. during chinese lesson! LAURA was ddamn cute man! yes she is! abit slow, but nonetheless, damn cute! and chinese lesson 2 period was slack, a very good catching up session with edna! yay. finally one day to really talk about things. so interesting! love u girl!


and am i evil?

my stare is scary? uhh. haish! today's a bad day.
emo. emo. emo and more emo. i was the first. emo-ed liao, then subsequently everyone else followed. weirdd huh, 6 ppl cried today. and hugging was seen everywhere. isit my fault? i think i started the crying thing.

i'm sorry ***, i din mean for all these understandings to happen. though i was pissed at first, as it was embarrassing, but yeahh after vented it out , on newspapers and after the numerous hugs, i felt better. hope u are fine now, you've vented everything out already right?

anyway, thanks ppl, thank you edna, caryn, yingxin, yifang and wangkee for all the hugs. love you ppl!

ehh, i shouldn't go as low as this hor, idiot me.

u better watch it. i really think we have been too nice, either that or u still can't adapt to our major change. i wish to think it is the 2nd option. do u know how u have been behaving? trying to protect u is no use. okkay, u have done so much wrong, unpardonable for ppl in UG. which cadet would dare to talk back to madms like u did? u tell me, who? when u're a madm, u'll understand, u can only wish that ur future cadets aren't like you, seriously. how come u're so different from us? whatever shit we get in the past, endure, endure endure! now leh? slack, slack slack. what do u want me to say? i absolutely have nothing more to say. so u mean that when u're bu shuang, u can scold us, rebutt us la, den happy or shuang that time then say sorry. sorry, got use? we're not ur friends, even if we are, is that the way to talk back to us? crap! okkay, maybe should let u have the taste of real interview, aop. scoldings and tekan! u'll understand then.