It has been so long since..........

I last blogged.

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I last allowed myself to act like a 5 year old child, throwing silly tantrums and all.

I never felt that becoming a Vi was the worst decision in my life, until now.

I really wanted to know if those words you spoke were what you really meant.

No wait, I'm so sick of us, having to act as if we're having a secret affair, and being so ashamed that we can't even mention each other's names out loud without acting like we've committed murder. Fuck. Yeah, actually in some sense, I'm totally the third party. The third party who messed everything up.

This however, only in a friend-friend context.

Yeah, I'm sick of it all.

Coming back to the Vi bit, fuck, sometimes people have to get their facts right first.

Don't be so fucking quick to jump to conclusion can?? I don't feel like I need to explain anything to anyone, but that was the last straw.

I know. I'm useless. I don't contribute. What the fuck am I a Vi for then right?

What the fuck. Do you all have any idea what Vi means? It means Volunteer Instructor. VOLUNTEER right? It doesn't mean I have to slog my ass out for it. I volunteer my time. I volunteer my expertise. I volunteer to help out. Is it that hard to fucking understand?

Back then,

70% - Reluctant

30% - I should just do it, since I've been in RC for my whole life

Then people made the percentages change.

'Aiya, just join lah, if you don't like or got no time, later then say. You can MIA one what, just join lah. Join lah. Okay? '

'Fucking not okay' is what I should have said back then. Damn stupid. I feel damn stupid now.

'How to quit ah?'

& with regards to additions on my body, does that make me any different from who I am? I am still the same fucking person all of you know. What's so hard to accept? You knew me first before my additions. YOU KNEW me FIRST.