Having said that, I am aware of the love I'm still showered with by my family and friends (fivesome&allwhocelebratedmybdaywithmetoday). It was a wonderful birthday this year, though miles apart from the one I had in sec 3 though I foolishly returned a present that I had not even taken a glance at. My family brought me to Swensens for ice-cream buffet, & friends celebrated for me at Marina Barrage. A happy 17th, and I have lots of people to thank for their bday wishes. Its not gonna be a public mention, but I definitely have all your names remembered.

Thanks again, fivesome, for setting the sky-high benchmark with regards to what friendship could be. Though we seem to be drifting, I'm glad that we still take each others special day into serious consideration. If its possible, I'd like to be there for everyone of you, just like how you've been there for me.

Could you let me into your world again? Like how you did when we were in sec 1?
& could we be what we used to be, in sec 3? When we indulged in playful abandon?

I remember, it was not long ago that I still had the burning passion to blog. Though I sieved my words thoroughly before publishing a post, at least I knew I had put down my words somewhere. But now, I don't get the feeling to blog anymore. Because life is just life. When I wake up in the morning, I have nothing to look forward to - nothing.

In Amkss, I would spring out of bed whenever I had to wake up earlier for RC related stuffs, no matter how tired I was. In Ijc, I would get out of bed enthusiastically for the thought of friends kept me going, despite the dreadful lessons and ahem, teachers.

Now in SP, though I have more freedom, and am in the course I tried so hard to get in for, life feels empty. For the people whom I have met, can never be compared to those of previous months and years. Say perhaps its because I am afterall in, a drama course, & drama ppl tend to be different from others, in the sense that everything to them, is but drama. Life's drama. We are the actors. That is why, I don't get to see the real 'them'. They are actors, they act. I don't know when to trust, nor who to trust. How I miss 0924A, where everyone is real. Everyone is sensitive; I feel comfortable with them. They give me everything that I can offer them in return. But its now gone; then I ask myself, if I had made the right decision to leave?

Words can't express how much I miss them, and neither can miles, the distance we have already drifted. I am sad, but things are what they are now b'cus of the decisions I made. Its no one's fault; just a cruel joke heaven plays occassionally for humour. I don't wish to sound pathetic, but every day of my poly life I tell myself, "Tmr'll be a better day". Who am I trying to kid?

Claire's dealt me a big blow. I feel dumb because I do not know how to rebutt her sacarsm. I don't deny that she makes me feel small, I'm just mad as I'm not able to protect myself in a sacarstic return. What terrible shame, that I left her step all over me, flattening me into nothing more than a pancake; whilst I wasted precious seconds trying to process her sacarsm. Shame.

"I wish... the world was full of pink bunny rabbits."