today was trng..was quite happy..and high..coz the strength was good..jialin and yiling came. really a BIG relieve to know we wun be disqualified from the competition. we will at least clinch a bronze in the north district de..we must.


madm joanne came back today. even though she's like JC le..and becoming a VI..still feel that feeling..like when we were still madm and cadet. that closeness. that feeling..its coming back. well..i gues it shows strong friendship can withstand the test of time..even with other ppl..not just her.


so..continued with trng..practised hard..bang-ed super hard..and arms aching..but it will pay off.
they gave us a break again..for breakfast. but some ppl din go..took the time to talk..=)
den after they came back..we continued practising..den because it drizzled..the parade square was wet..den aft it stopped raining..den we practised in the paraade square..had abit of fun splashing water on each other..well..at least we laughed..and smiled.


after trng was over..we 202-ed again. ate den proceeded home. went to buy physics book..haish..waste money again..but well..really no choice den buy de..thanks juliana and yf..for pei-ing me.


talked with them in mrt..i like these little talks..coz they help us bond. i think i said that before. =)) anyway..wednesday need wear full RC uniform. must get ready everything..in case on that day forget bring this forget bring that..den for sure kana pumped le.


and the competition is just next week..really hope we can make it. so as not to disappoint those who have high hopes of us. jiayou everyone..esp the commander..whom i seriously pity. oops

so stressed-up. is the whole world turning against me? the feeling of being thrown down from heaven to hell. sometimes..some ppl can make hell for us. i just dunno why.. did we owe them something from our past lives? u tell me.

sad, upset, disappointed. why must this happen.. now? because of some ppl..all our hard work has gone down the drain..even though if this arrangement is not confirmed yet..there is a high chance of it happening..and if that happens...our effort will all go down the drain. =(((


had a meeting just now..wahh..sucks man..could feel the atmosphere..everyone was down..haish..after meeting..we could not take it le..i suppose we broke down? sec 1s..please come..please come..our unit is dying..please..dun make it dao..if more ppl turn up tmr..i'm sure our unit can stay on de..please...and those who din come for footdrill trng..can please come? i said PLEASE! if u wan..i can go beg u!!!! just..please come..u know..just because u din come..we all can't enter leii..even if u dun think of improving ur drills..think of the rest can? can CAN??! haish ...everything sucks at this point of time.


really can't take it le..there are so many tests coming up..den some teachers can't even teach.. and is like piano exams are coming up..really stressed up..i can't even play the pieces properly?
wadever..really RRRRAAA..well..tmr's trng..and sec 1s coming..can we have more than just a mere 4 ppl?? for once..p-l-e-a-s-e.

today trng..hmm..strength no good..yf, qh, edna, vivien, jialin and me onli..so sad. they gave us a breakfast break..of 20 mins. we went macs ..but a few of us din eat. den rushed back..continued with trng..footdrill all the way.. ms chan has been very nice..all the footdrill comp trng..she has been treating us drinks..super nice..thanks ms chan!
den trained alot le..they let us play sports games..played basketball..with sir maurice..shoot shoot shoot..FUNN!! hhaha..coz can tyco get the ball in the hoop. hahaha after that..still continued trng..for awhile..this trng was abit slack la..actually quite slack ..hahabut we bonded la..like there was time to bond..talked abit..ya..den we finished trng early but had to stay back to settle the workshop thingg..to decide who go which course/workshop. den around 2.30..we went to eat lunch..at 202..our favourite hangout..haha.. ate..den walked to mrt..with yf and xy.. talked..crapped..i like it. bonding..time spent together..its important. =))


reached home..talked alot today..to ahem. haha..i just wanna tell u..whether u read this post or wad..u can do it de..dun hesitate..dun regret things that u did. wad has happened is over. dun regret coz it din turn out well..but because it even happened..do think things over in future..dun be too rash..and end up hurt again..and rejected. dun be too softhearted..know when its time to hold on ..and when to let go..cherish ppl around u. life's like this..so hang on.be strong..jiayou..anything can tell me de..so..stay happiie..and smile! =)))

just came back from the 3 day 2 nights camp. was okkay..it helped us bond together..3/3 '07. hope it will be a better year for all of us. and the sun was super hot. now i'm red. esp my nose. haha. black too. my neck hurts. sunburn. haha..well..


camp wasn't that good..a lot of cock ups..some due to the rain. and some because of some ppl. haish..a few ppl shed their tears because of that. as in our class not being united..and killing the frog thing. haish.. through this camp..could see who were the ones who r really helpful and all. esp when it came to area cleaning..those who cleaned the toilets were those who were really good. and while these ppl were cleaning the toilets..some others were down there slacking. sucks la..k..nvm.. and the trainer muh muh..he was nice la..nice ..den keep calling yx and pat darlings..den we were like...ooooooooooo. den keep teasing them..sorry yx. den ya la..the trainer really put in alot of effort into helping us. so..really very good. thanks ahh muh muh. =)))


den there r things that make me really dislike camp. coz the toilets and canteen was super dirty..due to the rain..the rain made all the leaves come in..den ppl anyhow step..den got so much dirty water..eeeeee so erxin. den did kayaking rafting..the high rope elements..zipline..and all the other things..rockclimbing and abseilling..den the campfire..was quite fun la..coz everyone performed..den everyone shouted their lungs out. now voice abit wavered. hahaha


when we finally so call 'break' camp..we took the bus back to amkss..den changed..and wadever..den chiong to kfc..oh yah..talking abt food..the camp food is okkay..not bad..some ppl say they give too little food..while others say they give too much..okkay..den back to kfc..me sam and van carried our bags..so heavy den we cannot take it le jiu call.......CAB! we cabbed to kfc..and paid like 3 dollars..hahah..ate to our fill at kfc la..everyone upsized their meals..haha..


den tmr got trng..footdrill comp de. we can do it de!! jiayou jiayou jiayou. haha =)))

ystd had footdrill competition trng..was okkay..trained quite hard..now body aching. btw..this is not complaining okkay? haha. ystd was quite down coz...felt disappointed in someone. really put alot of trust and hopes in this person. but this person..purposely shut the phone..dun even pick up la. i thought u were those responsible ppl who would call back to say why u couldn't attend trng. u promised me ystd u would come. but wad..u broke ur promise? why? i trusted u..that u would come, but this is wad u give me. i really dunno why. can u prove to me that u really had something on ystd..and had to shut the phone? to not make me feel so disappointed that u broke ur promise and all? i'm still trying to think that u had a much much valid reason for not turning up ystd. so please tell me that u really had something on ystd k?


the rest of the trng..madm qingyu came. she drilled us real hard. but i really think we have improved alot. as in our bangings. it is no longer like bird droppings le. but now the main thing is to improve our dressing, and armswings. i believe with that another few more percent of effort..we will be able to do well in the footdrill comp. den ms chan oso qing we all drink water. so good lo. first time man. haha ..we were supposed to thank ms chan at the end of the trng i think..but then din see her..so now....THANK YOU MS. CHAN ..=)))


and madm qingyu oso deserve thanking oso la..she came all the way down just to help us. well..unlike some others. nvm. den the yck de jingkai sir oso came down ..coz i think madm xinyu call him come down de. we were supposed to thank him for his help rendered on CCA open house that day. den after thanking dunno where the madms took him to la. but we continued drilling lo. den after trng over..waited for the madms ..so that we could go home together. then stopped by out side GG room there. GG madms were tekaning them. some of them had to stand outside the GG room for like almost an hour. and i think some of them oso nvr eat lunch la! den lidat put them..they nvr faint den is weird lo. but i think most of the guiders are strong de lo. so they all pulled through la..but i think the madms should occasionally come out and check on the welfare of the cadets.


and i think the GG tekaning was abit not right la. as in wad the madms told the cadets. most of them came out crying. really feel like going to comfort them..and when sam came out..she hugged me..telling me she will REN for cheryl..haish..could see tears in her eyes la..but she said she wun cry..but she made me even more scared la..i was like telling yifang alot of stuffs..until the guides were dismissed. we all went home together. yf and xy took bus to mrt ..while me sam and wl took 851..talked alot..thanks ahh...u-know-who. for ur encouraging talks. even though u might have said them to make me feel better..but it really did help la..thanks once again.



after chatting to edna ..found out that we should not place too high hopes on the sec 2s. because they are bound to disappoint us. and to sec 2 nicolas..even though u r e only boy..since u have joined..make ur best out of it. dun be disheartened because of wad others say..it will only make u feel worse..i know saying this might seem easy..but it might be quite hard for u..anyway..jiayou k?? if u come to trng..we wun leave u out de. =))

i tried..i really tried..to hold back my tears. to be strong as someone asked me to be. but i went around reading blogs. everyone is so depressed. as depressed as i am. can't help but cry in front of the computer when i read their posts. i tell everyone to stay strong..but i myself am breaking down.


i controlled my tears ystd. after the fancy drill. edna told me not to cry. i stopped. i tried my best at talking to the sec 1s. to persuade them to join. we said some things that we not true abt our CCA. i don't wan to make anyone cry because i was crying. but now, at home, there's no one to see me crying. i can cry. tears just keep rolling down. i still dun get it. will anyone tell me why?

sorry vanessa, sam, and the others..u guys created that one single chance for me..but i totally ruined it. i seriously want it. but u know..when u have that little heart of urs beating so furiously..if u go out there..ur heart might just break..i can't do it..maybe i'm still not ready. and i don't know why. its so hard for me just to say hi to ____. i guess everyone's had that kinda of feeling before. its normal i guess. just that not everyone shows it. its just that kind of respect and admiration for that person.

i think there's not much time left too. one day they will all leave this school. but there's nth i can do to stop it.

suddenly feel so lonely in this world..everything's crashing down on me. only with the love of those who care for me can make me strong again. its just pure stress. and at the beginning of the year. can't stand wad i see in the classroom 3/3 everyday. and our Red Cross unit. as wad they said..its getting weaker and weaker by the year. how to make it strong again?? with such strength. sometimes i feel...being a cadet forever will be the best. but it will nvr happen. and look at the sec 1s. haish. there's footdrill comp. round the corner. they wan us to get at least bronze..to maintain..or better. u think its that easy?? and studies...they r the most stressful. everyday...she's nagging. getting quite sick of it. den still got piano. haish. practical and theory. i have to pass. emphasis on HAVE. i'm trying u know. trying.. but still have the will to carry on. because i know i must. and i will. that smile..that happy face...is just a front to cover wad's inside. when can i be really happy?? to smile like i used to. to be wad i was last time. those innocent times. and those friendship bonds. i miss them all. i really do.

that feeling ..when u know that they are disappointed with u but they r not showing it..but and when u know u have tried ur best. seriously la... if u think u're so good..why dun u try it urself? we have put in so much effort, but u all still think we're still fooling around. and we're not okkay? how to get high when all this shit is happening?


and u tell me..is it right to lie? if not, why do u all lie too? why do u wan to drag others into the suffering that we're going through right now? i dun get it. is it really right to do that? u're dragging others into the water la. i seriously dun wish to do that. i dun wan others to be going through the same fate as us. i dun wanna bluff them. i wan them to do it of their own accord. but....there's no choice..we have no say. so that's that.


i know i'm not the only one going through this. there r others who r going through this too right? but just glad to know i'm not alone feeling this sickening feeling.


please dun push me to do the wrong thing..i just feel its not right. coz we still lied. and u all know it.

today's the fancy drill/CCA open house. arrived in school at abt 6.45. put down our uniforms den went to set up our stuff. i was the i/c for today. kinda suay la. haha. reported in mufti..den was asked to help out at our booth.we all rushed to the booth. there was quite alot of things to set up.
after setting up..mdms ask us change to full uniform. we changed..and were given guard belt to wear!! super happy. coz its super nice. ahahaha. den we managed to get to practise our full fancy drill one last time b4 the real performance. we did it...den returned to our booth..only to find out that many VIs and sirs from HQ had come. its like quite pressurising la..den mdm qingyu was quite disappointed la. u ask me..disappointed abt wad...i will tell u..she disappointed abt our everything..from banging our boots to holding our poles properly to becoming enthu/high. haish..


den very fast den was our turn le. so anxious can. even the NPCC sir dropped his flag la.. SIR le leii..still drop..den we all still cadets ma..but we did our pole thingy quite well..no one dropped. so heng la. or not will very xia suay. but the only thing is...we lost timing. den after the whole thing, everyone become very down. mdm xinyu said 'i can see u all tried ur best.' walao. make me feel even worse can..haish. den mdm qingyu spoke to us. haish. could see it was gonna be a long day. classes came and went, but few ppl signed their names. everyone tried their best to encourage the sec 1s to join. the mdms and sirs who did the demo was super bang!! pei fu they all. well..everyone tried to act high ..but i think shi bai la..coz we were tired...legs so tired..den can't sit..hahaha..den no choice..gotto 'ren'.


den interacted with lots of ppl..haish..finally dismissed at around 3++. before that...i had to give them uniform inspection seh...den the mdms keep 'samula-ing' ..haish..den after that had to 'besurai' them...then keep got problems..den 'samula' again..but in the end..managed to do one nice one. den we were dismissed.


ms chan said our fancy drill was super good. but u think it is? or isit just something said to make us feel better?? i seriously dunno.

thursday and friday had fancy drill training ..as well as preparing for sat's CCA open house. mdm wenjia came back on both days to train us. den ahh..everytime we wan to use parade square practise....jiu got NPCC de ppl there...like so zhor dang. fine. mr siva booked the WHOLE parade square. smart lo. anyway..it started to rain. and guess wad, NPCC went to the shelter and they came back to the parade square looking like little blue and orange riding hoods. its damn funny la. we were there laughing. =DDD so evil right. fine. then we continued practising our fancy drill. was okkay le..just that sometimes ppl will drop their pole. then the timing oso not clear/loud enough. den mdm wenjia will scold. =(( haish.


den practise and practise and practise. well..fancy drill is seriously much much more fun den normal trng..hahaha.. went home late after these 2 days. super duper tired la. x))) well..tmr's the real fancy drill!! jiayou ppl!! we can do it de...WE WILL WIN THE WAR..red cross, girl guides!! wahahahaha..love UG!! =))))

fancy drill trng ystd and today. kinda fun...at least better than normal trng.. oops. =DDD
added new things to the drill. during thursday trng...mdm joanne came back..wahh disaster..oops.hope she dun see. after trng, helped out to do orientation stuff..and do reports for syf and north district camp.


friday trng worse..had to bring uniform..den only me and vivien bring..haish..den kena scolding lo...like kinda of xia suay..coz GG de ppl all oso wear gg uniform..den us leii..only me and vivien wear.haish..den in the end kena scolding.. me and vivien enjoyed pumping and lvl 1 position..while the others enjoyed 100 over pumpings. haish..hopefully i know which is right and left le..=(((( den after that changed back into normal mufti.. and continued trng.. den GG de mdm wanjoo, mdm shuian shuian and mdm weiling came back.. felt abit sad becoz only mdm joanne came onli..den our other mdms leii?? haish. all nvr come..they all say will come..but still nvr come..=(((( den after trng we went eat lunch...eat until so shuang..hahaha . den eat le we went back help to draw more plaster and hang the banner. but some parts of the wall still haven't paint..so can't hang banner..den came down to help draw plaster and complete the poles thing..to put pictures de..mdm joanne in charge..den draw plaster awhile le..den mdm wenjia came..to talk to mdm xinyu they all..haish..well..wad happen after that......forget it. den sat there awhile le..i went to help mdm joanne tie the pole thing..saw mdm joanne so xi xin.. oops..can see u really love redcross alot! k..anyway..jiayou for ur VI course k???


haish... so xia suay ahh today..but not gonna elaborate..so cya ppl!! and fancy drill coming..we must not xia suay ourselves to other UG and the sec 1s..so everyone do ur best k!! xD


p.s I'M NOT LES!!!!!!
pp.s happy birthday vivien!!!!!! =DDDDD

hahahahaha..damn happy now!!! NOW NOW NOW!!! yea! talked to 'her'...through sms..haven't seen her for so long le........=(( but yea...as she promised..she will come back. and i think i'm still believing her now. coz she said that in her blog a long, long, long time ago. but ya..i have faith in her!!! =DDD


aww..her poor little teeth. going to undergo braces. hahahahah. well good luck ya? and bear with the pain. =)))

had fancy drill training today. quite fun. learn new things. like turning the pole..quite fun lo..find that someone frm GG has changed for the better le..really happy to see that..even though we not same UG..but u will still feel better for that other UGian.
after trng..went to eat lunch at 202. ate le den vanessa went home, edna oso..qh went to buy cd or something la..


sam, yingxin and me went suntec..to visit ******.. i know i shouldn't say it here..but i still must say it..really disappointed to see yx and sam disappointed. ******..why did u have to put it so zhi jie (straightforward)...whywhywhy..u know can make ppl feel so upset and disappointed de ma...they were so excited at the tot of it k..and u had to make them feel like their trip here was wasted..WE CAME HERE SPECIALLY TO SEE U!! okkay?!!! fine..shan't go on abt it le..


anyway..christmas is coming!! =)) wish everyone a early merry christmas!! =DD

haish..did i choose the wrong class next year??? did i? did i?


u..yes u..everytime zhen dui me de..haish..can't we for once dun like dislike each other?? i know u dislike me.....but u think i like u oso meh??! walao..u make it sound like everything is my fault!! why ahh..


i not good enough to be in 1/2' 05, 2/2 '06 ahh..huh. u say it like its lidat ..but i ren..ren ren ren....ren very long le..coz i love this class..i love my friends.. i just wan u to know that i will put up with ur hatred towards me..i will R-E-N!!! for the sake of my beloved classmates. i tell u!!! =DD

arrgghh..feel so useless now..there's not one single thing that i can do right in life..i really dunno wad i'm doing now. and when there's problems..there's not one single person that i can tell them to..haish..maybe the suo wei 'close'..may not be that close as well.. no one know's me 100%..and i dun know anyone 100% either..well..maybe i'm just not reliable..or i can't rely on others..or maybe both..

i know its abit late to blog abt our trip to iceskating..hahas..but i'm still gonna blog.. we went ice skating on wednesday..went with xx, sk, arifin, edna, julian, qh, yf and bj. bj came back frm taiwan and bought damn cute chocs! she give me one which is in the shape of a plaster. damn cute!! thanks beijia!! =DD den met at yew tee before proceeding to jurong east. reach le we skated until abt 2. me and edna helped qh yf and bj..coz they still abit unstable on the ice..but bj learn super fast la..she still abit unstable..but she can go on her own le..qh can skate quite gd le..but yf still abit scared..coz she fell the last time we came..den she scared might fall again.


den the guys oso beginner but they like skate very fast lo..everytime we wan go over to find them, they jiu go to the other side of the rink..super funny. =)) den skate skate skate..den xx and qh feel like going kbox.
they so enthu la..the rest were like okkay..lets all go together! but sk din wan go..he wen home..ALONE! aww..den we went into the kbox room..quite big la..den the enthu pair..xx and qh..start to dian ge (pick songs) den they sing sing sing..while edna bj and me we singing without the microphone. den yf ahh..wahh..disaster! haha..she keep making all the funny noise..den qh say she sound like she sha ji (killing chicken)..damn funny la..den then sing sing sing..until 4..bj went home by herself..den 4.30..i gtg le..den actually suppose me xx and fin go home i think..den in the end..everybody go home..hahas..but i like express train lidat..chiong go home..while the rest take their time..coz had to go home to do piano..sianx. but overall..had a very fun day!! thanks edna!! =DD


ahh..proposal..die die die..sure got alot of AOP following that de..WELFARE!!! have to check stretcher and 1st aid kit. =(( wahahaha..
but......anything.....to get more recruits next year! xD

juliana..read all ur tags..felt kinda upset over them.. its so hard u know..i dunno if anyone except me and edna and the others understands..being a senior is so so so hard. we are forced to keep a distance for u juniors because we are going to be mdms soon. is that a good enough reason?? its like very hard to just nurture the bond that we have now lo..we are considered close? are we? i guess so right.. and then by next yr we have to keep a distance from each other. i know u feel scared of coming trng..and its like every trng onli got 3 sec 1s come..standard one..u, chonxi and vivien. haish..like abit pathetatic hor?? i know u join rc is to pei yiling de..and in the end she din come, make u disappointed right? but there's no turning back once u've joined..just make the best out of it .. see..u've made so many new friends right? so many new seniors..including other UG ppl. there's good and bad lo..

i understand ur feeling..that feeling of coming to trng just to kena 'knock it down', scoldings.. and mdm's unhappy faces. i oso have that feeling ma..i think everybody does..or not why u think we always feel like ponning..we did think of ponning..but in the end still go ma..so..just keep peservering..the tot of c*** should keep u going on wad.. everytime i feel tired of trng..i will think of all the nice seniors..ex-mdms, sirs..haish..that will keep me going lo..

so..wadever it is..do rmb that we all wun p.s u all de..even after we become mdms..we will show the current mdms that we can make it de..and we are not as bad as they say! =DD


p.s hope no sec 3s see this. (i think will not hor??)

i know its been a long time i din blog.. and my last post sounded very vulgar.. hahas..got irritated by some things.


today had trng. was okkay..better den other trngs..sec 2s get to become commander..mdms wanna train our voice. den shout shout shout..dunno ltr will get sore throat anot.. haish..like edna said..its hard to become a gd senior.. true ma.. u too fierce..juniors will talk behind ur back.. and they will give attitude. u too lenient.. they climb over ur head. haish. and its like 4 more months b4 we take over.


had our first interview today..wasn't such a success.. i dunno wad they trying to do..wad the mdms say are so CONTRADICTING can..aiyo..anyway..edna got it real bad..hope ur fine now girl..


aiya..we must really buck up on monday fancy drill trng.. or else we sure die again de..=DD and F.Y.I ..we DON'T make EMPTY PROMISES okkay!! we shall show u all that! =))

p.s tmr's ice skating..hope my mummy let me go..=))

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so damn fucked right now.