and i'm back, finally. genting was okkay. e hotel room was big, cool place. and yeahh, back to ndp.

our slow march. heh, me and sam. coordinated? i don't know but i got a video. cool heh, in the video we looked coordinated, but we feel not. cock up seh. the first step i took, disaster. nvm. then our pandan kekenan and kehadapan. wow, did i sound like a duck? heh, i hope not. but aye, ndp's over. this year we din cry. coz we did our best! i hope my dearest cadets did too! wanna praise you all, coz ur drills were not bad. see, if you tried hard enough, you will be able to do it! and even though we got last for hentakaki, don't be disheartened ppl. we tried. we shall try harder next time okkay!

and for some pics, i don't have many, since all is using other ppl de camera.

yingxin and i

zhanhong and i

evelyn and i, i'm too lazy to open my mouth. inside got gold bars.

ncc air USM and i. hais, height difference. =((

yongbang and i! npcc top 2, sorry yb, i don't know u are which post. paiseh. =p

wad is ks doing? spoiling our photo ehh, always the one to dao luan. haha. jkjk.

finally, 22o6, but we're not looking at the correct camera.

finally. we're looking at the camera!

me and ks. he has to bend down to suit my height. so sad. =((

julian, ds, yx and me (land guys jiu zhuai la! haha)

this is one of the nicest shots, though where the ppl stand have to be re-arranged. hahah. jkjk.

ks and qh. ooo.

yx and ds. ooo too.

wqj, land USM and me. we're both zhuai kias!

and FINALLY, red cross NCOs o7!! from left to right, qianhui, vanessa, yifang, yinyin, edna and me. finally one nice shot of the 6 of us! way to go ncos! we shall bring our unit to greater heights!

thanks to the ppl who were there for me. for those who had not, those who told on me for something i myself know i did not do, those who do not believe me, i don't blame u, coz we don't trust. anyway, thanks to those who don't believe too, i can finally understand how *** and ** feel.


i shall just let time pass, hoping it will heal everything.

and oh ya, i felt the need to blog about yesterday, thursday. during chinese lesson! LAURA was ddamn cute man! yes she is! abit slow, but nonetheless, damn cute! and chinese lesson 2 period was slack, a very good catching up session with edna! yay. finally one day to really talk about things. so interesting! love u girl!


and am i evil?

my stare is scary? uhh. haish! today's a bad day.
emo. emo. emo and more emo. i was the first. emo-ed liao, then subsequently everyone else followed. weirdd huh, 6 ppl cried today. and hugging was seen everywhere. isit my fault? i think i started the crying thing.

i'm sorry ***, i din mean for all these understandings to happen. though i was pissed at first, as it was embarrassing, but yeahh after vented it out , on newspapers and after the numerous hugs, i felt better. hope u are fine now, you've vented everything out already right?

anyway, thanks ppl, thank you edna, caryn, yingxin, yifang and wangkee for all the hugs. love you ppl!

ehh, i shouldn't go as low as this hor, idiot me.

u better watch it. i really think we have been too nice, either that or u still can't adapt to our major change. i wish to think it is the 2nd option. do u know how u have been behaving? trying to protect u is no use. okkay, u have done so much wrong, unpardonable for ppl in UG. which cadet would dare to talk back to madms like u did? u tell me, who? when u're a madm, u'll understand, u can only wish that ur future cadets aren't like you, seriously. how come u're so different from us? whatever shit we get in the past, endure, endure endure! now leh? slack, slack slack. what do u want me to say? i absolutely have nothing more to say. so u mean that when u're bu shuang, u can scold us, rebutt us la, den happy or shuang that time then say sorry. sorry, got use? we're not ur friends, even if we are, is that the way to talk back to us? crap! okkay, maybe should let u have the taste of real interview, aop. scoldings and tekan! u'll understand then.

its not on purpose to keep things from you, do u even understand? our circumstances? when do we even have the chance to talk in class? when? i have no chance. i don't do it purposely. but do you understand? msgs, calls. you don't reply. however hurt, upset, angry. what can i do? nothing if you choose to ignore. i know u have feelings, i don't neglect them, i really wan our friendship to be closer. that bond, but somehow things don't permit us to do it. for us to bond. i'll stress this fact again, if i could, i would. really, to tell u everything. i tried, and i'm tired. when i walk over, you go away. now i understand, how my invisible felt when i did that to her. i'm sorry, invisible. now i'm getting the retribution. those whom i want them to care, don't. but those least unexpected, they cared. some care too much. probe too much. from gratefulness, it turns to dislike. because its annoying. but no one understands. they just wanna know. curiousity kills them. but why?! why, everyone faces difficulties of their own. but hey, just remember, i would be there if i could, for you. but can u think, would u let me to? how many times i tried? if i could, i would sit next to you, so that every ounce of information i receive, you'll be the first to know. but that's impossible. you've gotto understand, i'm human. i forget things. i don't have such a superb memory. with so many things going on, you just have to try, to understand. i don't expect much, i don't expect you to pardon me from ALL my sins. i just want you to voice out your uncertainties, all your doubts, all that you are unhappy with. so that i'll understand too. do u get it, girl? i'll still try, to understand.

we lost, how damn damn damn friggin' sad. hais! sigh sigh sigh. its like, effort. SO MUCH EFFORT, disappointed with my own performance. i talked too fast, too nervous. idiot!! a failure. if only, we had done abit better, we would have won evergreen for the 2nd runner up in the north district. and would have got into the national round! ARGGGGGGHHHH. disappointed them. disappointed our sch. our sch name, angmokio secondary. amkss could only go up to get a COP, and the plague of appreciation for hosting this bloody event. 2nd runner up. 3rd. when?


sorry to all the ppl around me. i know you all cared. but i just .... .... felt like i needed time alone. sorry for my moodswing ystd. thanks ms chan and ms tan.

Simple personality test
Identify yourself as right or left brain person:

1. Hold your hands together, as if you were wishing. Look at your hands.
If you see...
Left thumb is below the right thumb ---> left brain
Right thumb is below the left thumb ---> right brain

2. Fold your arms.
If you see..
Right arm above left arm ---> left brain
Left arm above right arm ---> right brain

Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:

Right-Left
Considerate, traditional, indirect type. Can instinctly read other's emotion, and respond friendly by nature. Although not very into taking intiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality gives others a feeling of being protected. But their weakness is they cannot say no; regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.

Right-Right
Loves challenges, Straightfoward. Once they decide on one thing, they will take action right away. Very curious. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they don't listen to others, will filter in only what they want to hear in a conversation and are very subjective. However, because of their straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.

Left-Left
Dedicated, cold, perfectionist. Very logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasoning. Has a lot of pride, and feels strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponets, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be very "anal" as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.

Left-Right
Likes to take care of others, leader type. Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs. Because of their cool and calm nature and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care of others too much. Very concerned about how others view them, and always on alert.

try this, tag to tell me what u are k.

maybe this shouldn't even have started. i don't know. i think i'm being selfish, to have such selfish thoughts. this is mad, when i just started to overcome it............it ends. sorry, i can't be the one.


after all, i'm just a stranger. someone who can nvr be there, but only meant as a last resort. but don't worry, i understand. and what can i expect? nothing, so i think i understand. yeahh, the devil's already in you. now mine's coming to get me, tell me, how do i run away from it? to find a place to hide so it doesn't catch me. then i'll be ruined, for all those thoughts would come back again.


i'm becoming evil, turning into someone even I myself don't know.

someone whom i don't know anymore.

our unit. love these pics. love redcross. beloved cadets, and ncos. and our 2 YOs. =))

ps. look at my face in the last pic. like wanna smile yet dowan. lol, so dao leh. paiseh.

am i given this other chance? if i blow it, i'll be such a great idiot. hmm, or maybe it was meant to be a joke all along. i don't know who to trust. i'm confused. that invisible link, my invisible friend.

you&me=trust

hah, racial harmony. the badge given was nice. so was the motto. too bad not everyone can trust the ppl around them, some choose to keep it within themselves, somewhere deep in their heart, in that little bottle, nvr to be opened..until one day, it has been filled with almost every single trouble, that it will burst..... ...that would hurt. well, its up to them. and its the ppl around them who cares' job to help them unleash all these troubles..to take their pain and sorrows away from them. some ppl don't believe in forever, i don't too. nothing last forever, that's a fact. that's why ppl don't want to make friends. don't want to confide. don't want to cherish. sometimes i think, why make friends when one day they all have to leave you? once they go, its different routes you're taking from them, you might not see them again. you'll not be the one they confide in anymore, no matter how close you were, they will make new friends..and so will you. and all that's left will be memories, photos..and all just black and white, it will nvr come back, just like how time will nvr stop, the days which have past will never return. that's why it is important to cherish, just to see their face, but you know it won't last forever. today you might see it, but tmr maybe not. after graduation , no matter how they reassure you that they will return, that you will continue being best of friends, you know that that's not the truth. not that you want to doubt them, but its a fact, a fact that cannot be denied. its easy to say, to say that you won't forget, that you'll always be best friends, that's easy to say, everyone can do that. but how many can keep to their word? it takes two hands to clap, if one party is unwilling, no matter how the other tries, everything would be in vain.. and that friendship would be gone, for both would have other commitments of their own, because ppl change, no one stays the same, especially in character. you won't be able to trust them anymore, for you don't know how theyy've changed, into what they have become. they are someone different, different from that person you used to know. how sad. then you'll look back and think of those times, both the happy and sad ones. times you've spent together. then you'll reminisce, everything that happened in the past. it happens again and again. in a cycle. a cycle which will end one day..

a bad mood. a moodswing. which really sucks. coz i neglected close friends. idiot. so many stupid happenings. sometimes i don't really even know why, and no, i'm not like qianhui. that one can confirm. but whatever, just that nowadays ppl's mood is like shit. grrrrr.


and don't you keep to urself. even if you don't wanna talk to ppl, blog, or write it in ur diary. i don't want to see you like this, okkay. that shield, i'll wait for the day you remove it.

noooooo............ super upset. =(((( why!! our hard work, and we only can get a trophy at most if we win?!! lanyard leh?!!!! ARGHHHH!!!!!!! i wanna cry!!! save me? why? why? why? WHY? WHY? WHY?!!!!

are you angry with me? so much so that you ignore me now? no doubt we're invisible friends, but you still mean alot to me, because you're a friend. we might not say 'hi' to each other in school, but hopefully outside of school, we can still talk. i have the feeling that you're angry , or even mad at me. are you? everytime i walk past you, i have that fear. some unidentified fear? a barrier? something that keeps me from looking you into the eye. i know you're trying, trying to help me overcome that barrier. i feel you're giving up, or maybe i am. maybe we can't even be invisible friends. Nothing, nothing left. then how about the chats we had? or maybe its a fault on my part. i din try hard enough, enough to make this invisible link hold on. maybe it broke? hah, i don't know.

ehhh, why am i typing this? its so weird, i don't know. how come? how come? grrrr. unexpected.

its strange how the closest of friends become the worst of enemies, and yet, distant strangers whom although cross paths everyday without taking a second look to the person whom they've just passed become the best of friends, will these 2 newfound friends become enemies after being together for awhile? and let the cycle continue? is it true that friends can never be forever? but how about the memories? will they just remain as memories? stored somewhere at the back of one's mind? but never to be brought out again? is that what will happen 10 or 20 years down the road? when we grow old, can we remember what we went through in the past with the friends of ours? what if one day we crossed paths again, but yet don't acknowledge the fact that we were once friends? will it hurt? will it bleed? will I feel a thing?

i've been dreading farewell assembly. i'm afraid, afraid that once they go, it would be the end.

once in my life, there was this person named ______ __. she touched my heart with all those small actions of hers. she helped me with my schoolwork, and was a great senior/madm cum friend. she could take time out to be by my side when i was unhappy. we were actually more than just madm and cadet. and i did go to her farewell assembly, to bid her goodbye. i got her something. i hope its still with her now...ya there was hugs and tears, i was afraid though, to say goodbye. but after i left, she sent a msg thanking me for the present. and she said something i would nvr forget. 'best cadet and friend'. i thought i could believe it. maybe i was just thinking too much. but how it seemed so far away. we no longer talk, where did our friendship go? why..why must she go back on her words, maybe as she said, let our past be a memory. that hurt, but its true. my next obstacle, with 2 closer people, to me la. to them, i don't know. but they're even closer to me than the above mentioned. the hard times of being cadet were spent together. the good times were even better. messages, long chats on the phone and outings after trainings and events. i'll never forget the bus rides home.....and of course train rides? these memories are really important. i know...as you said, things change, people change. feelings will not be gone but will only lessen. because we'll be going seperate ways..... will there be a day where we can meet again? and still be best friends? i'm scared. really scared. every single one of you say that we'll be best friends forever...but isit true? once u move one step ahead in ur life, u'll nvr turn back again.. and these friendships will just be a figment of our memory, something to remember but not to be dugged up again. . . . grrrr i hate life. i hate goodbyes. actually not really hate, but fear...i'm sorry.

i'm really proud of my sec 2s. really really proud. u see it ppl. u saw it. i'm proud. proud of u all. but now u all know it, please change. u all have the power to do it. do better for ur next AOP. if u all can change, it doesn't matter if i lose my voice a hundred times. can u all do it? are u all strong enough to do it?

ya, u said u hate backstabbers! BUT U ARE ONE! hello, what's wrong with u?!

i'm pissed. fucking pissed. i hate it, even though it does not concern me, and i'm not trying to be kpo. but i just can't stand it anymore. GRRRRRR. kukunuts. evil!! evil! evil.

today was average. went for cadet recognition day. was quite cool. amkss was the only sch which had 2 cadets receiving the DIRECTOR'S award. loveRly. lol. anyway, congrats to the 2 madms. wahh piang, so iso-ed. haha..coz yf and qh in GOH contingent, edna in NDP, grrrrr. nvm i have CAC. hahahah.


then after CRD(cadet recognition day), bus-ed back to amkss for NPCC ROD. ummm..not bad la, but ya, got nothing to comment on. shhh. and i din know that mr soh is NPCC de. scared me. :(( yaya, then after that went bugis in search of a sch bag, i can't find suitable one. sucker right.. then sent xinyu off to orchard ..we entrusted her in the hands of chunyin, alex, aurina, binghong, kenneth?, and i dunno who. anyway, ya, then went to makan at taka. we sat on the floor to eat. shuang leh, legs were aching. then went home after that...was so squeezy, me and sam are like being squashed into the train. was tired and sleepy again...... ZZZzzzzZZZ. see, i told u. i got the 'wo yao shui jiao' illness. sad lehh....anyway, reached home, watched shen diao xia last episode. cool fighting skills, imagine i possesed some of them. how cool can it be? lol.


so, nothing much to say already. xinyu, take care of ur feet!

i now have a bad voice. and i'm really tired. its just the start of our NCO journey, yet there are so many problems arising already. i'm really tired...i just want to sleep, everyday in class i'm like ZZZZzzzzZZZZ....and i have to find smart ways to sleep without teacher noticing. hey! you're not the only one who feels sleepy in class, you're not the only one who has tons of homework to do. do u all know how stressful sec 3 is? i bet u all don't. wad's wrong with u all now? can't even take some basic punishments, how to excel? when u do wrong, u have to face the music. we have already been very lenient from the time we took over. or maybe that's where the problem lies.


i'm confused, i'm scared. that's when tears start to flow, i need to control. to be more fierce, to scold and not xin tong. madm xinyu was right, but i don't have the heart to. grrrrr. why am i so weak! just such a useless me.


forget abt those unhappy stuff....harry potter was like quite a disappointment....was not thaht good leh...previous movies were better......... and juliana is like !@#$%%^& ehh girl..wad's wrong with u ahh, always think ur sixth sense is right!! haha..maybe sometimes la, but then.......i dunno la..anyway i'm going for cadet recognition day. i'm really happy!! thanks to miss chan that both of them can get! really damn damn damn chao ji super happy. lol.


kkay, i needa get ready to go meet the 2 madms le..haha. take care ppl.

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart,is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts,is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Cause true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things
we'll wish we'd never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world
I'd make this last
Sometimes goodbye, so it hurts in your heart,is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, so it hurts,is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to sayI'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'Cause true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run intoI'll comfort you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart,is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts,is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to sayI'll miss your love in every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
`Cause a true love never dies

sometimes i feel like giving up, giving up seems so tempting. seeing other UG, they all have their parades, ROD, POP ..like its such a grand event. seniors, ex madms and ex sirs, friends and brothers.. are all invited by an invitation through email, through letter. and they have their parade in the parade square, such a huge and grand event. i'm upset, but what can i do? our POP, so upsetting. maybe it was meant to be like that. a disaster? or maybe we were just suay, coz the parade square was in the process of renovation...why? why? why?!!! what happened?! what happened to the once so glorious red cross? when i took out our flag just now, and let the wind blow it high, it looked so beautiful, so full of power. just like what we used to be. but i don't know why, why it has become what it is now. things are just so bad. i don't know how to make it better. i'm so useless, what kind of yi zi am i? i know, in u all de eyes, i'm not one. i can't do a single thing right. if so, why am i here? i really don't know. but whatever it is, i'll still try my best. don't worry, the unit won't fall. and i'll keep all my promises made.

argghhhh!!!! grrrr. i shall and must learn to cool down. don't let my emotions get the better of me. i hate moodswings. they suck u know. damn it. why; why must have 18 ppl ?! can think of us for just this once? u all just don't understand. we're really trying our best okkay, to get the 3 extra ppl. u all say go find from other school, we can't rely on them. they're not part of us. they stood us up at last year's ndp. i can't trust it, not once more. once bitten, twice shy. whatever fuck. gosh, so vulgar. yet i can't show it at home, no. no one at home knows how i really feel. and i don't intend to tell them either. actually, its none of their business la. why bother them. only at night, with the peace and quiet can i let myself calm down, and find solutions to annoying questions and requests.


what's the problem with me? i'm getting the 'wo yao shui jiao' syndrome. where everyday i enter class like a zombie and keep complaining that i want to sleep. so idiot right. and the weather so hot, make me even more frustrated.


and why, why don't u beloved little cadets understand, cca recruitment is a major and important thing. yeahh, tuesday debrief. i know u all are wondering, 'huh, ** oso don't have so many ppl, like that also need to cry meh.' yah, the look on u all the face explains it all. but u all just don't understand. don't wait till its too late, then regret. its no use by then. how, i really don't know how. should i kneel down and beg u all, to get more ppl then u all will understand? i know its not u all de fault, but since we're facing this problem, u all have to try. u all can think it as u all suay la. this batch so few ppl. but since we're facing a problem, we should face it together, as a unit. one for all, all for one. i really hope u all will understand.


p.s my brain is cracking. how to glue it back? i hate all stupid idiotic problems.

i'm now in sch's com lab. air con. mrs chung rocks man. haha. lol. sadded. ltr got ndp trng. siva makes me mad again. whatever.


lets don't talk abt him le. haha. kkay, this friday sec 2s AOP. hmm. better do a good job sec 2s. =)) good luck!


ps. i feel evil. and bad. is that considered back stabbing? backstabbing someone whom i really respect??

o7/o7/o7 - the start of our new journey.

i wonder if i had made the right decision. i hope so. =))

everyone's getting out of hand, yet i'm doing nothing. no wonder i'm at fault. so what if i already knew, i did not do anything about it. yes yes. its my fault. its my responsibility. to keep ** in hand, make sure ** don't do wrong things. make sure ** don't overwrite me. scold ** if she does anything wrong. and i still have to take care of **'s welfare. omg. i'm trying okkay. i really am.


yes, i'm a coward, a total failure. a failure to keep them in hand. i'm stuck at a fork of my current life. i'm so unsure, so unconfident. i really don't know how. counting the numerous times i've cried over this. i'm just useless. what should i do? which route should i take? where should i go?

i dislike it.. really dislike it. but what can i do?!

i know i haven't blogged for a darn long time...from since dunno when. yeahh but no mood. yah..and i really wanna thank my dearest cadets chongxi and vivien! ya i know i very last minute, but hey, we still managed to complete a FIVE THOUSAND over word report. when it was supposed to be like 2000 words only. sorry girls, my fault, i din find out more. but yeahh more words better than less right?? =)) anyway, we might stand a chance. we will become like them one day. haha.

yes, lanyard! we still gotto complete poster..okkay! =))

and yes, i wanna praise my girls ..you guys have done quite well for footdrills. though need a bit more polishing, but u all still did a good job. ya...and even though u all nvr greet us. =(( i really hope next year's national footdrill competition, we can really get something out of that competition, and show others than AMKSS RCY is not just some incompetent school joining the competition just to show others that we exist. we will show them. =)) continue with the good job ppl! =))

i'm not petty, i'm not angry. i'm trying to cool down. sucks la.
i know its hard to adapt, but don't i deserve that tiny little bit of basic respect? just that little bit, is it too much to ask for? when it was their turn, we din even dare to just do that la, gosh. i don't know why i so bu shuang. damnit la. i don't want to get angry over such small matters, and ppl will call me unreasonable. i don't even do that, how come u all can? what the hell is wrong with me, i ate gunpowder. damnit.

i miss my phone, gosh, i had like 900++ msgs inside, yet the singtel ppl wanna reset my phone. darn! gosh, only can save 30 msgs. i very very VERY VERY XIN TONG OKKAY! i want my phone!! its now servicing, can't message. =((

i don't feel good. i don't know why..i only know i feel crappy. i feel invisible. i think i really think too highly of *it*. maybe it was just wrong. yeahh..what you said makes sense..i finally get it now. i finally understand why you told me all that. i guess things were meant to be like this? and god wants to make my life miserable. or maybe he's testing my endurance. whatever, i'll endure.

i can't! i really can't. i'm so confused. as to what i should do. i'm really sorry, i don't mean for things to be like that.


sandwiched in between.

u cared, you made a difference.

he's gonna be a great leader. we can't hold a candle to them, and i can't hold a candle to him. he's full of potential and confidence, while i'm just nothing. he is a real leader. someone who can lead with pride. lead his unit to greater heights. he can instill the discipline, make cadets respect him. do as he says but not out of fear. i can't, i just can't. everyone can see. they are so much better. they have so much more ppl. they have many more ppl who feel for their cca. who bother to put in the effort. they always win awards, make their seniors proud and happy. they're the best in UG. like we once were? yeahh..like we once were. but now, not anymore. we lack discipline, sense of urgency, commitment, respect, sense of pride, confidence. how..she wans me to talk with confidence, do things with confidence and walk with confidence. when i don't even have enough confidence to talk. i'll try. but i know trying is not enough. doing well is. but sometimes, things are easier said than done. why, i wonder why.

replies to taggs.


sam: wahh..so coincidence..i come back then u go malaysia. haha..go on the search for rings uhh!! hahah


yingxin: haha..its okkay la..not something u did wrong. hahah


hamtaro: i'll tell u sometime..but u must believe me!!! hahaha..wad..sept 1st 2005..i wrote something wrong?!! hahahahhahaha


moomoo: its okkay!! yeap i'm back. hahahaha


yifang: I MISS U TOO!!!! i'm back already!! i miss u loads!!!!!

congrats to the NCC air sec 3s.

USM-szeann
ASM-jinzhi
part c ps-zhanhong
part b ps-kaisheng
part a ps-junli

i think. haha

anyway..congrats ppl. espp KAISHENG. really happy he got that post. zhanhong oso!! congrats didi. you've got it. =))


good luck ppl..its ur turn to run the unit..make sure u all do ur best!!=))

okkay okkay!! to stop SIR FROM SOBBING, HE STILL ROCKS MY WORLD okkay!!

BLUFFING SIR IS SO DARN FUN. maybe not..when he kills me.

finally!!! i did it..changed to this darn blogskin which took me afew hours just to change it. coz got alot of problems with the spacing and blah..finally done. awww..isn't the boy CUTE!! i think so lor..super duper cute. haha. kkay..that's all. cya ppl.

okkay okkay!! horses are seriously scary. i'm so scared..after today's incident of almost falling off my horse on the hills up in the forests..don't try it alone. haha. its because my horse slipped..coz of the wet and slippery muddy roads. i'm not blaming the weather kkay..anyway...so so so bored. no one tagged.=((


btw..qianhui and yifang are BACK FROM ULP!!! like finally!! haha..heard it was fun....they cried somemore..at the debrief..when in our OWN POP, no one cried? hahaha. we din even hug. while cadets from diferent schools in the ULP had their arms all over each other. crying coz of everything they went through together during camp. all the hardships..and the sweat.. gosh. nvm..haha. congrats for surviving 3 days without much sleep!! and take care qianhui!!

i'm coming back in 2 to 3 days time. great. nz's such a nice place to be ..but well...i guess singapore's better..coz will have heartache when u think of ppl you miss. lol. haha.

anyway..HAPPY BIRTHDAY anna. i don't know if i'll be able to get on and move along. haha. but no matter wad..thanks.

should i give up?? no, or rather, should i quit?? i hate it, things just go so wrong. i don't know how. no one understands...i don't understand it myself. i've waited so long, in hope that things could be how it was in the past. but it din work. i can't believe i cried so many times. its so stupid.

congrats ppl for surviving cugc. esp sec1s. really proud of u ppl. haha..even though its tiring, but u all endured. and its a new learning experience hoh. argh...congrats to the sec3s too..heard the camp was a success. =)) anyway, take care ppl.

You Are 56% Peaceful

In general, you think the world's a pretty great place - and you're happy to be a part of it. Sometimes you struggle with life, but who doesn't? You are quite level headed, though you have more inner angst than you'd like.

How Peaceful Are You?

You Should Drive a Silver Car

You're the type of driver who doesn't really pay attention to other cars on the road. You are calm, focused, and clear headed. Driving is simply a task for you. And you aren't one to be too fussy about what you drive. Basing your status on a car is a little beneath you.

What Color Car Should You Drive?

Your Holiday Stress Level is Moderate

The holidays sometimes stress you out, but mostly because they wear you down. Take it easy! You can have a fun holiday without running yourself ragged.

What's Your Holiday Stress Level?

You Are 68% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world. Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Ritsuko Jimyoin

What's your Japanese Name?

You Are 36% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit. Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

How Girly Are You?

You Are 57% Grown Up, 43% Kid

You've grown up a good bit, but you still have a way to go before you're emotionally mature. You have the skills to control your emotions, you just have to use them.

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal. You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

You Are Pretty Happy

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life. But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it. Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career. Something is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is!

How Happy Are You, Really?

You Are 36% Control Freak

You have achieved the perfect balance of control and letting go. You tend to roll with whatever life brings, but you never get complacent.

Are You A Control Freak?

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know. From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up. And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

You Are Somewhat Logical

Ok, so didn't get the majority of questions right But you did answer some pretty tough questions correctly Logic may not be your strong point, but you hold your own!

How Logical Are You?

You Are 60% Psychic

You are pretty psychic. While you aren't Miss Cleo, you've got a little ESP going on. And although you're sometimes off on your predictions... You're more often right than wrong So go with your instincts - you know more than you think

Are You Psychic?

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer: Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt. Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up! Why a Cancer will love you: You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs. A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

yo all peeps. blogging from nz now. cool right?? how pro is the internet system. hah. anyway, the flight was abt 10++ hours. its damn cold here, winter mah. and i miss everyone so much. and i wanna go CUGC!!! damn it! haha. anyway, in nz, theres a time difference of 4 hours, excluding daylight savings. blah. if its 12pm here in nz, its only 8am in spore. hah. so its like very difficult to get to talk to ppl through msn, coz of the time . sian.


and ppl!! can i know when's the next trng, so i won't be like an idiot. and dunno when got trng. thanks. hahaha. actually, i just crapping. coz i can't find a topic to write abt.


i wonder....have you received my email?? haish. i don't know. i wanna tell you that i miss you. miss you all. and all those times. i think you won't remember, but i definitely do. i don't know why, i'm listening to her more. i don't know why i trust her. haha. ,maybe wad she says make sense. well, i miss that chance again. to go cugc, to see them. hope theres more chances coming up. can we have another gathering????? arhh, i'm thinking the impossible again. shucks. i shouldn't think abt it anymore. haha. cya ppl, to the lovely few who do come.

leaving for nz in a few hours. going to miss CUGC, and maybe the first trng as an nco. i wanna go for cugc, i have missed last yr's one and i'm gonna miss this one too?! argh. damn. anyway, jiayous to yf and qh who have been very stressed up for their ulp. heard qh passed her theory test and got highest in her group. congrats girl! anyway, good luck to edna and juliana in ndp too. cool leh, i oso wanna go, march at marina in water. so fun. and for cac, i think we'll have to work extra hard, to complete our reports soon. jiayou everyone! we can make it. achieve wad we want!

what happened?? unexpected outcome of yesterday. i guess there were too many ppl..then no atmosphere. haha. anyway. the parade and farewell party all was a disaster. argh, my plan did fail. sian!! the video was funny, i dunno why i included the graduants photos. haha. somehow, there was just not much feelings yesterday. ALL BECAUSE OF *********. argh..haha. joking la, no offence.





received the sergeant rank. so cool. receive certs from the NCOs, received their letters and messages. its very touching okkay, especially the chairperson's one. haha. it felt so weird, coz no one cried. yahh. when i expected that at least half of the ppl there would. the famous cry-ers which is edna and me, din even cry la! haha. but then hor, after the whole thing, then i dunno why i cried. gosh. i think i'm weird. it just felt weird, to push that key, into the hole, and unlock it. i don't know, just felt like i'm not ready. i guess i'm still not up to it.





after graduants,NCOs and YOs left, then we the cadets left. we went mos burger at amk hub. ate and blahblah. walked around, then yf and edna left. juliana, koonie, sam and me then bus-ed to amk library. don't know why we ended up there. maybe just to sit and talk. left around 6.

today seems like just another day. really upset coz mission not accomplished. damn. nvm.





anyway, just wanna thank her, these past few years, she has always been there to encourage me. to give me advice, and help me. i don't know how to thank you enough. i know i have been a disappointment to you sometimes, but hopefully you can forgive me. i'll still try my best though.
and because i din really get to say wad i wanted to say to u, i've wrote it through email, hope u read it.

ask urself if u have spent enough time with them, to nurture them, treat them like ur own. whether u'll feel happy when u see them do well, whether u feel sad when they disappoint u. whether u feel proud of them when they win in events.


yes, i said. and in your mind, you recalled. you did cry because u din lead them well for NDPo6. at least you felt something. there's a start. u did feel for them. why din ours feel for us?


i feel sad, hurt , we put in the effort to try our best. to do well in parades. did u feel proud of us? this is not the first time i'm blogging about this. i just can't get over it. someone tells me. [WE won't give up on YOU ALL. because if we give up on you all, we're throwing ourselves in. WE giving ourselves up. because YOU ALL are our precious darlings. OUR future hope. WE must nvr give in no matter how much YOU ALL disappoint us. if YOU ALL ever dare to give up on yourselves, WE must try to pull YOU ALL back on course.]


how i wish u all would think this way. i knew that she felt that way, but i don't know abt u all. once the feeling of being lost is there, the trust we give will nvr be that 100% anymore. coz we know that we can never fully rely on u all ever again. [u all held our hands so tightly, and led us into a dark dark tunnel. we were scared, but u all told us not to be afraid, because u were holding our hands. we relaxed a little, because at that moment, we were fully independent on you. whether we fall in the tunnel, it depends on you all. we brought us a little further, but losing the grip. as we walked on, the grip became loser and loser. until a point, suddenly, we lost all contact. because u let go. u know how lost we felt??! we couldn't see!! not a thing, imagine the feeling of being afraid? ready to cry out any moment. do u know?! i guess not. i don't know why u all had chose to let go. ] but it did eat into us. chewed on us. bit a piece off us. our confidence. u made us lose it. it hurt, but we tried to get over it. we're doing better now. we've learnt from that time onwards, to do things ourselves. coz we can no longer rely anymore. independence.


but learn to let go. stay strong. we can do it.

you know something, tmr's the day. what day, just another day? maybe, maybe not. but i know that i'll cry, because i can't let go. i can't let you go!! argh. someone impt . well, i don't say it, i won't. but hopefully you know. ur placing within me. i wonder why everyone knows, everyone can see except you and me. i wonder what's going on, what's wrong. this is stupid, coz its driving me nuts. i haven't prepared my uniform, my boots. the video is still trying to fly over. stuff undone. so many stupid little things, little enough to stick to my brain. how superb is that. my ass la. i'm talking crap. anyway. i don't wish for anything unpleasant to happen tmr. she said, we cannot distort the way things work. but i still hope for a smooth day tmr.


you know, i'm really glad i have the power to leave an impact on her. is it the first time? yeahh, i've nvr really got to know her. she's just some senior from other ug, whom i thought i disliked in the past. but now, its just that our sentiments are much much alike. which makes us live in the ssame dream, or rather nightmare. the hate, anger, love, and all. is all due to how we handle things at the very beginning. don't hate, my dear friend, try to love instead. don't feel alone, because there's many ppl out there who still care. don't cry, because who know's , maybe there's someone out there who loves ur smile. you'll nvr know. ppl don't know how ppl feel. its up to you to tell them. yes, you made a right decision to do something for them, what would have happened if you did not? things would have been much different right?? sometimes, don't take too long to decide on wad to do, if you feel like doing something, just do it. because u won't know wad awaits your decision. well, whatever it is, i'll give u my support.


p.s i don't think you'll read this right? haha.

tired. very very tired. i hate ur naggings. can't u just shut up. argh. theres so many things i need to do, why can't u just bloody understand. !@#$%^&* forget it.


i have so many thiings left undone man. and trngs not working out how i thought it would be. just wanted u all to try ur best, i'll be happy and contented. can u understand wad's going on now. we only have 1 or 2 more trngs till POP. but the drills are still like ....lidat. i don't wanna ask for much, just for u all to put in ur best. just ur best. its enough.


anyway..started on cac ler.. discussed the topics. really hope to do a good report and presentation to get the LANYARD. we will work towards that..to show you that we are not useless . hurts to know that u nvr feel proud of us, nvr feel happy when we have tried our best. why...whatever we do, its all wrong in you guys eyes. what must we do to make u all feel proud, feel happy, feel contented?? will winning this lanyard help?? if it will, i will try my best.

today, met at amk at 12. outside school, we stood, under the hot sun. waited for the ug ppl to reach. yb and konnie late, so we went mac wait for them. then we discussed abt our stuff. oic good lor. fang wo men fei ji. pro ehh..nvr tell us. !@#$%^&* nvm. then after everyone reached, we WALKED to pierce reservoir. but it was a nice walk. even though under the hot hot sun. walked the bishan park way, then finally reached pierce. we checked out the trails, and decided our checkpoints. pointed our the dangerous areas, and took the necessary precautions down. it was so serene there. the sound of water running, and insects. even though it was hot, there was a slight breeze. i felt i enjoyed it, an exercise with the trees. haha. then some ppl were in bad mood, for some reason or another, they went home.=((( pangseh us. in the end, sam koonling dinie yongbang and me were left. we sat down at mos burger finally. ate there, and discussed our activities. yb and dinie left after awhile. it was super productive with koonling! then she left at 5, me and sam continued till 5.30. then sam went to watch spider with her friend.


i found out that, there's so so so many things to do. pop proposal, cac proposal, cugc proposal, parade procedures and so many other things. sian diao la. kkukukukuku. my head's burstin. i don't know where to start. if only one day can have 48 hours. then there would be so much more time to finish up what's left. i'm really tired. tired, holding something so heavy that its gonna crush down on me soon. can't i just put it down properly? and not let it crush me? tell me what to do. there's so may pretences around me. so many ppl with their masks on. i can't see their real face. i don't know what's on their mind, sometimes i wish, i had the ability to understand. to feel and know how they feel, so that i can understand the hurt, the pain and everything they are going through. i just hope, one day that i can remove all your masks. and not let the facade continue.

yesterday, rep to go toapayoh cc..for briefing for the ACT to help elderly with dementia organised by high5. you know, they are really very pitiful, and we should help them right? so help to buy the tickets to the actual event next sunday. each ticket cost 4 bucks. please help. and yeah, can you imagine how helpless i felt, as usual. sat alone there, in that big meeting room. i really hate that feeling. sometimes, i just wish u could tell me more, so that when i go, i don't feel so helpless, and don't know anything. all questions bombarded at me, i don't know how to answer, because i was not told of anything. but as the rep, i have to be the one responsible. i just wish, that you can tell me more of the info before i go, so that this wouldn't happen time and again. first aiders --- next sunday, we have first aid duty, report at 6.20 wear full red cross uniform.

met sam after that. and yeah..we had to go esplanade to check out next sunday's route, and where the marshals as well as first aiders have to be positioned. here's some photos of the ppl we will be working with,

me: now going esplanade.

xinyu: so cool ar? go there eat durian?

me: eeew, durian is stinko.

xinyu: tekan make u eat durian

me: no way. =.=

okkay..i see no meaning for this. hahaha. super random. anyway, durian is !@$%*$ my daddy likes to eat it. i don't know why i liked to eat it in the past, but now, its super gao wei!

okkay..and that guy in red up there, his name is eugene, and his dear friend, is jingkai. funny ppl. but not bad la...very friendly. =)

then after talked to them for a long time, and i was darn thirsty. me and sam got drinks from a little girl by the riverside. so ke lian you know. so we each got 2 drinks. -.- then rushed to yck mrt. picked up our class ppl. then headed to ms low's house for bbq. cool right, haha. set up the stuff, and had to go sam's house take the drinks, and i was stupid enough to try climb the fence. another stupid conversation occured.

me: eeeee. my leg cannot go into the hole. then i can't climb out.

cynthia(i think): if you could climb out, thieves can climb in.

stupid right? argh. then another one.

me: eeee. i tried to climb the fence, now my hands damn smelly. why the fence so dirty ahh?

ms low: because the fence was not meant to be climbed. that's why they don't clean it.

=((( . so i had to walk the long way out. sam's daddy drove us and the drinks out. then started bbq-ing. took lots of photos when edna fang and qianhui came back. then discussed cugc stuff. oic sick. but still, proposal have to hand in by wednesday.seriously no time liao. until 10++, we decided to go because it was drizzling. daddy fetched me home. so tiring.

but i miss 2/2o6.

i tell you. my rabbit died on 16th of may 2007.my beloved rabbit. i'll miss you, badly. you'll always be in my memory.

and my favorite picture of my beloved, I LOVE YOU. forever.

just came back from seoul garden. dinnered there....

we cracked the egg, and put it in. looks nice at first, but then.......

it turned very ugly. all thanks to kellyn! =DD

food was okkay.....normal la....but had fun playing with the little pieces of meat.

cugc's coming. anyway i'm not going. i wonder wad disaster would happen if i go. i wish good luck to the oic, 2ic, and pcs. good luck ppl. be more decisive...things will be done faster. =))